


Celebrate Me Home

by sunnyyellowhouse



Category: Nashville (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-10 20:13:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5599333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnyyellowhouse/pseuds/sunnyyellowhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Late Christmas story for hiatus suffering Nashies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What you need to know: Scarlett and Dr. Dull are still a thing. Kevin and Will have recently made up.

Naturally, it was Gunnar’s idea. Something he came up with on the tour bus about fifteen minutes from them finally being back in Nashville again. Later, Scarlett wouldn’t even be able to recount how it went from casual conversation about what they were going to do over the short break from the tour to them planning a party at Gunnar’s house on Christmas Eve. In truth, she probably agreed because she didn’t really want to do anything for the holiday. It would be her first without her mother and even though their relationship had been -- well, what it was, they’d always mailed each other gifts. And on Christmas her mother would call and they’d talk, or rather, Scarlett would listen as her momma prattled on about this and that, updating her on all the latest gossip in Natchez. This year would be different. And she didn’t particularly feel like spending all of her few precious days off with her uncle either. It’d be his and Rayna’s first Christmas together in God only knew how many years and Scarlett didn’t feel much like being the fifth wheel of the Jaymes/Conrad/Claybourne family. And, if she were completely honest with herself, she didn’t feel much like spending the holiday with Caleb either. At least not if they were going to be arguing like they had been every other time she came home from the tour. So when Gunnar started rambling on about a white elephant gift exchange she found herself nodding. And then wondering how it became more desirable to spend Christmas with her two exes and their roommate than with her boyfriend.

“Awesome,” Gunnar stood, swaying a little as the bus came to a stop. “Invite Caleb and I’ll ask Erin if she wants to come.” He gave her that familiar lopsided grin before ambling towards the door.

“Uh, sure,” she muttered, watching him walk away. “One big happy family.”

* * *

Of course Gunnar came up with a ridiculous party idea, made even more so by the theme of the white elephant exchange. All gifts were to be from the As Seen on TV brand. Gunnar announced his plans at breakfast the day after he’d gotten home. “Gag gifts,” he said excitedly.

Will thought it was a great idea and invited Kevin straightaway and then volunteered to barbeque, regardless of the weather because, as he put it, “it ain’t Christmas without a slab of ribs.”

Avery was decidedly more unsure about the party. “You don’t even have a tree.”

“I’ll get one today,” Gunnar shrugged. “Me and Will.”

I don’t know,” Avery said. “It’ll be Cadence’s first Christmas.”

“Yeah, and who better to spend it with than people who love her?” Gunnar said around a mouthful of cereal.

Gunnar and Will easily overruled his objections and went ahead with the party plans and he had to admit that Gunnar had a point, but his daughter would only have one first Christmas. Ideally, Avery would have liked for her to be spending it at her house with her parents, but that seemed highly unlikely. Despite having gotten an invitation from his parents to travel to Ohio for the holidays, he had chosen to stay in Nashville. He’d briefly thought about inviting Juliette to go to Ohio with him, but squashed the idea, knowing it would be awkward for everybody except their daughter. He hadn’t been home for Christmas himself since his freshman year in college and he couldn’t imagine sitting in his grandparent’s house visiting relatives he hadn’t seen in years with his almost ex-wife and infant daughter by his side.

He suspected Juliette wasn’t doing anything for Christmas since it wasn’t her favorite holiday, especially with Emily out of town to visit her family. Juliette had once told him she hated the holiday and had recounted several stories from her childhood explaining why she flat out refused to celebrate it as an adult. He remembered wanting to wipe the pain from her eyes along with her tears when she told him about Christmases with no gifts and more times than not, no food.

Their first Christmas together, she’d been suffering a resurgence of morning sickness that lasted most of the day. Her holiday meal had consisted of toast and gingerale and his a ham sandwich. They’d snuggled up in bed and watched a Law & Order marathon until they both fell asleep. They were newlyweds and lying in bed beside her with one hand on her belly while their daughter shifted under his palm; he couldn’t have cared less about tradition and gifts. This year, the second of their marriage, he wasn’t even sure they’d be seeing each other.

He had insisted that Emily be the one to take Cadence to visit her mother at the treatment center the first few times, but after she hinted (strongly, multiple times) that he should drive up and see Juliette, Avery relented. He had to know if it was real, if Juliette had really changed. At that point, several weeks into her postpartum depression treatment, he had almost no reason to believe she was faking, but he’d learned the hard way with Juliette that what was real and what he hoped for weren’t always congruent. However unlikely, if she’d only admitted she was sick in an attempt to get back in his good graces, it was time to proceed with their divorce no matter what agreement he’d made with her. He and Cadence couldn’t stay with Gunnar forever and as far as his finances were concerned, he couldn’t wait any longer for Juliette to spin the news of their divorce to her advantage.

So the fourth time the baby was to visit with her, he drove up himself. For most of the hour long journey, he’d gripped the steering wheel so tightly his hands cramped and he had to force his fingers to relax. He was trying to prepare himself for the worst, whatever that might be. He glanced in the rearview to check on Cadence, but for once his daughter slept soundly in her car seat, one arm flung over her head in a position that was completely Juliette. Seeing his daughter at peace eased his mind a little and he considered what Emily had reported to him about Juliette’s steady progress. She could be okay, he thought, allowing a spark of hope to germinate in his mind. Juliette being okay was the best possible outcome for Cadence, regardless of what happened between the two of them. For his sweet baby girl, who despite everything was happy and friendly and absolutely the best thing he’d ever done in his life, he hoped that Juliette’s recovery was the real deal and not another game she was playing.

Her eyes flooded with tears when she saw him standing in the doorway of her room instead of her assistant. Cadence, who had woken up from her nap when he got her out of the car, immediately started kicking her feet and smiled around the two fingers she was gumming when she saw her mother. He set the carrier down on a table and stepped back so Juliette could unbuckle their daughter and pick her up.

“Hey, Cady Jo. How’s my baby girl?” Juliette placed kisses on the baby’s face and forehead. She tucked the baby into her side and turned her attention to him, wiping away tears before she spoke. “Thank you, Avery. For trusting me with her.”

It turned out that he was the one who bailed that time. Halfway through the session, he’d excused himself to step outside in the hallway. He couldn’t sit there watching Juliette play patty cake with Cadence on the stiff couch in her room at a treatment facility with a therapist supervising her interactions with their baby. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t how things were supposed to be.

He drove the hour back to Nashville, silent tears streaming down his face with their daughter in the back, babbling to herself, making noises that sounded dangerously close to “mama.”

From that day on, he hadn’t really been able to consider their divorce without feeling like an ass. It didn’t seem fair to press her about it when she was at the treatment facility working on getting better and so he put it off. And then when she finally returned to Nashville, he found himself still unable to bring it up though he knew they needed to have the conversation. Eventually, she was the one who mentioned it, saying that she would agree to do whatever he wanted. To that, all he could do was nod. He didn’t know. He wanted his family back. He wanted to not feel the gaping loss of everything that had been the two of them. He wanted his wife, whole and healthy and beautiful. He wanted certainty that she wouldn’t crash again, burning him to ashes in her wake.

* * *

 

Of course Gunnar had called her the day after they got home, asking her to bring something sweet for the party. And Scarlett agreed to do it because she had nothing else to do while waiting for Caleb to come home from work. She’d already cleaned the house from top to bottom and then cleaned some more, until her fingers were raw despite her yellow gloves and she had gotten a little woozy from the smell of bleach.

She thumbed through her momma’s handwritten cookbook, looking through her cookie recipes. It was one of the only items she’d really wanted to get from her mother’s house when she and Deacon had sorted through her mother’s things. Baking with her mother was one Christmas memory that Scarlett cherished. She’d been 10 and her mother had been fresh off the farm that year and as close to normal as she would ever be. They had baked batch after batch of cookies, both of them pinching off pieces of dough and popping them in their mouths when they thought the other wasn’t looking. Her mother had laughed at their broken gingerbread men and they sang Christmas songs and danced around with kitchen, dusting the floor with spilled flour and sugar. They’d also made thumbprint clues, which were Scarlett’s favorite cookies of all. She remembered pressing her thumb into the balls of dough and her mother filling the holes she’d made with strawberry jam.

“You don’t ever want to put too much into it,” her mother had said. “Too much and it’ll be out of balance. Not enough and you’ll just feel cheated. Just enough. Always just enough.”

That year had been so much better than any other Christmas Scarlett had ever had at home. The next year, her mother spent the entire holiday complaining bitterly about the new album Rayna had just come out with and how she could have had a real shot back in the day if she hadn’t been saddled with a baby. Scarlett gave her a wide berth because her momma could be mean and handsy when she wasn’t happy, only to apologize or shift blame later. She’d spent most of her teenage holidays with Zoey’s family and although they were wonderful and made sure she was always included, it was embarrassing to be the only non-family member at their house on Christmas.  
It was a relief to go off to college and spend Christmases on campus. That first year she was single and had gone to Nashville to visit her uncle for the holidays, but by her sophomore year it was her and Avery eating Chinese take-out in his dorm room.

As soon as they got their first apartment, she’d started baking cookies for Christmas like she had with her mother years ago. Avery had always been partial to her gingersnaps, even though she knew his real favorite were the elaborately decorated sugar cookies his mother carefully wrapped and mailed to him in a care package every year. Scarlett thought Mrs. Barkley had missed her calling as a baker and she marveled over those cookies: Christmas trees with ornaments and tinsel, snowmen with red scarves and black hats. She knew she couldn’t compete with those so she made the easier gingersnaps for him, just regular drop cookies instead of gingerbread cutouts of men that usually broke off at the arms. She knew Avery wouldn’t care about the shapes and he hadn’t, and she noticed that he ate the cookies in pairs, one of hers and one of his mother’s, until they were both gone.

Gunnar loved Russian tea cakes. The one Christmas they’d lived together and she told him she was baking, he specifically asked her to make them because they were the cookies his grandmother had made when he was younger. It was a rare thing for him to talk about his childhood and even though Scarlett had never made them before, she Googled a recipe and doubled it. It had turned out to be a good thing she’d made extra because Gunnar’s entire face lit up when he saw the cookies and he almost choked to death on powdered sugar when he stuffed two cookies in his mouth at once. She’d had to jump up from the kitchen table and pound him on the back until his throat was clear.

Scarlett laughed at the memory and thought better of baking those again. It would probably be better for the health and safety of her bandmate that she made something else for the party.

She’d called Will to see if he had any preference and his response had been, “Anything with sugar, darlin’,” which made Scarlett smile over the phone and look forward to seeing him again. She turned a page in the cookbook and considered her mother’s recipe for chocolate chip, which were her uncle’s favorite, but weren’t particularly Christmassy.

She’d glanced at the counter, the bags of sugar and flour waiting on her to get started. Room temperature eggs, like mother said was best to use for baking. Vanilla, walnuts, and cinnamon.

It had been late the night before when Scarlett got home and Caleb had already been asleep when she slipped into bed. She’d made sure to wake up early so she could fix him breakfast. She was hoping to catch up on things but he didn’t really ask her about the tour, only going on at length about his work in between chews and swallows. This or that surgery, patient such and such. She barely had time to mention the party and was surprised that he immediately agreed to going. The more he talked the less she felt like eating and by the time he left for work, she’d already pulled her gloves on to start cleaning. They weren’t arguing, which was an improvement, but things between them were stale. Like the baking powder she’d tested on her tongue to see if it was fresh. Nothing there but an unpleasant aftertaste. And she didn’t know how it had gotten to be that way or if it was even worth trying to turn around.

Hours later, she was still surprised he wanted to go to the party. She half wished - no, she did wish he would have said no. After Gunnar’s call, she’d texted Caleb to ask what kind of cookies he wanted and he hadn’t gotten back to her. She was still paging through recipes when her phone finally chimed.

“Don’t care. Whatever you make is fine,” the text read.

Scarlett glanced at the clock and sighed. It was past time to make a decision and she flipped the worn pages of the cookbook and ran her fingers over the partially faded loops of her mother’s handwriting until she found the recipe she wanted.

* * *

 

By the time Christmas came around, Juliette had been back in Nashville for a few weeks. She was still going to therapy with Dr. Kitley and usually had Cadence at her house a couple times a week. Avery trusted her enough that she no longer needed to be supervised but usually, Emily would take the baby over and stay for a while. It was easier to let Emily deal with it and that’s why Avery had allowed to her drop the baby off most of the time. Driving over and staying just long enough to unload the baby from the car somehow made him feel worse than he had when Juliette had left and he was taking care of Cadence by himself. It was easier to be angry when she’d been gone, avoiding them and partying and doing God knows what else while on Luke’s tour. It was so much harder to walk in the house that they’d shared and see her every few days. That house was still technically his home even though he hadn’t lived there in months. Most of his belongings were there and he still had a key though he rarely used it. Every time he walked inside he felt haunted and he honestly didn’t know how Juliette could stand to live there alone.

She opened the door and he followed her inside, shocked to see the Christmas tree in the living room. Even though it was small tree, he imagined that Bo must have brought it in because he couldn’t see Juliette wrestling with it herself. There were a few neatly wrapped gifts under it as well, and he assumed they were for their daughter and maybe Emily and Bo. He didn’t say anything, but when he handed her the baby she told him the tree was for Cadence.

“I wanted her to have one,” she said, hugging Cadence to her. “Have one here.”

He didn’t respond to that because they both knew what she meant. Yes, of course Gunnar had a huge tree in his living room decorated like it should have been at Rockefeller Center and Cadence had several gifts underneath - really, a ridiculous amount for a baby. Realistically, Avery knew it shouldn’t have mattered. Cadence was only months old and wouldn’t remember any of it. But he hated that her very first Christmas was going to be that way, with two trees at two separate houses.

“It’s nice,” he said. “I’m glad you put it up.”

He watched as Juliette lifted Cadence up in the air and brought her back down to rub their noses together. Cadence loved it, giggling around the two fingers in her mouth and opening her eyes wide when she was up in the air and closing them when Juliette brought her back down.

“Hey, Cady Jo.” She lifted her in the air again and then sputtered when the baby’s drool fell on her cheek. “Wow,” she said, wiping her face. “You just drooled all over mama, baby girl.” She looked up at Avery. “I think somebody’s getting a tooth.” She pulled Cadence’s hand from her face to peer in her mouth. “You getting a tooth, huh?”

“I think she is,” Avery said. He glanced at the floor and finally looked back up at her. “I’ll be back around 5.” He’d turned to go when she called his name. “Yeah,” he said, spinning around to face her. She hesitated to speak and his eyebrows furrowed in anticipation of what she was going to say.

“I know it’s not my day,” she said. “But do you think you could bring her by for a little while on Christmas? Or Christmas Eve if…”

“I will,” he agreed immediately and was surprised when she exhaled as if she’d been holding her breath. “You honestly thought I’d say no?”

“I wasn’t sure,” she said. “I thought you might already have plans or something.”

“Actually,” he said, the words spilling out before he could think to stop them. “Gunnar’s having a gift exchange on Christmas Eve. You think you might want to come?”

A look of shock passed across her face and she glanced at the baby, who’d returned her fingers to her mouth, before looking back at him. “I - sure. I’d love to.”  
“All right then,” he said with a nod. “I’ll see you later.”

She took their daughter’s drool covered hand in her own and held it so they could wave together. “Bye-bye, Daddy.”

He waved and quickly turned around, escaping outside before the ghosts of the house could pin him down.

* * *

 

Gunnar watched as Will pegged a nail into the wall. “I want to put it on the record that I think the mistletoe is a bad idea.”

Will turned around and faced him. “Why? It’s tradition.”

“Dude, if Avery and Juliette get caught under that thing, the party will be over. And he’ll probably blame me for it.”

Will scoffed and turned back around, admiring his handiwork. “Nobody gets caught under mistletoe unless they want to.” He glanced back at Gunnar’s skeptical face. “Well, we could move it to--” he looked around and then pointed to the entryway of the kitchen. “Right there.”

“No way,” Gunnar said. “Everybody’s gonna be coming in and out of the kitchen. Anybody could walk through there with anybody! I could end up underneath it with…” He trailed off and Will turned to fix him with a stare.

“With who? Kevin?” He barked a laugh. “You’re not his type. And like I said, nobody gets caught under mistletoe unless they want to.” He patted the sprig once more. “Now I gotta go see about these ribs.” He slapped Gunnar’s shoulder as he walked past. “This was a great idea, buddy. It’s gonna be a great night.”

“The party was a good idea,” Gunnar muttered. He shook his head at the mistletoe. “That’s gonna be trouble.”


	2. Chapter Two

Cadence was a gorgeous baby. A tiny version of Juliette with Avery’s blue eyes. Scarlett had volunteered to hold her as soon as she and Caleb entered Gunnar’s house. They were the last of the five invitees to arrive, running late because Caleb had worked a few extra hours. She handed her platter of cookies to Avery and took the baby in exchange while Caleb dealt with their gifts and coats.

“Hi, sweetie,” she said, taking in the baby’s blue patterned dress and white tights. “Did your nana get you that pretty dress?” She asked, adjusting the baby on her hip. “I bet she did.” She noticed Cadence’s bib, which read, “If you think I’m cute, you should see my uncle.” Scarlett glanced at Gunnar, who had already eaten two of her thumbprint clues and had another one in his hand. “And I bet I know who got you that bib too,” she said to Cadence. She walked over to Caleb who was standing by the Christmas tree.

“The tree is beautiful,” he said.

“Yeah, it is,” she agreed. “Gunnar did it up real nice.” The tree was tall and beautifully decorated. The twinkling lights caught the baby’s attention and she stretched her arm out as if to grab one of the silver ornaments hanging just out of her reach. Scarlett moved back and took Cadence’s hand out of the air and kissed it. “Oh, no, baby girl. I don’t think _Uncle_ Gunnar would like it much if I let you snatch his tree bare. Your mama and daddy probably wouldn’t approve either.”

The baby looked up at her with wide eyes and for a moment, Scarlett thought she was going to cry, but instead she snuggled into Scarlett’s chest and stared at the tree, working her index and middle fingers into her mouth to chew on them. Scarlett patted her back and thought how much of a blessing it was that Cadence had seemingly inherited her father’s mostly mellow temperament.

“So how long do you think we’ll need to stay at this shindig?” Caleb whispered, leaning towards her.

Scarlett narrowed her eyes and looked at him. “We just got here. Why did you even bother agreeing to come if--” She was cut off by a sudden tug on her dangling earring.

Cadence had one chubby, drool-dampened hand firmly tangled in the earring and pulled with a strength that surprised Scarlett.

“Good Lord, little girl,” she said. She gently pulled the baby’s hand away and moved her head back so Cadence couldn’t reach her ears.

Avery walked over and held his hands out for his daughter. “I can take her.”

“No, no.” Scarlett used her free hand to slide both earrings out of her ears and set them on the mantle. “She’s fine.”

“Well, at least take this,” Avery handed the baby a teething ring, which she immediately put in her mouth. “That’ll keep her occupied for a bit.” He smoothed Cadence’s blonde hair down before going back to his conversation with Gunnar and Erin.

“She’s a strong one,” Caleb said.

“Yeah,” Scarlett responded absently. “Caleb, I didn’t come here to turn around and leave any time soon. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I’m sure Gunnar or somebody will give me a ride back to your place.” She regretted the way she’d said it as soon as the words left her mouth. It wasn’t his place; it was theirs. They hadn’t argued since she’d been home and she surely didn’t want to start one in the middle of Gunnar’s living room.

Caleb rocked back on his heels and regarded her silently for a moment. “It’s fine,” he said tightly. “It’s just that I’ve worked late this entire week. I kind of wanted to spend at least part of Christmas Eve relaxing with you, but it’s fine.”

 _Don’t apologize_ , she thought, resisting her first impulse. _You haven’t done anything wrong_. “We at least have to stay through the exchange,” she said by way of compromise, although it felt a whole lot like an apology.

Caleb nodded and closed the space between them, putting one hand on her back and one on the baby’s. “She’s really cute. Sometimes I think it’d be great to have a child. Maybe one day when you stop doing the band thing…”

Scarlett shook her head slightly and stepped away from him. She couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t lead to a complete falling out and so she bit back her response. “I’m gonna go talk to Gunnar and Avery. Excuse me.” She left him there alone and crossed the room to approach her friends. Cadence’s grinned at the sight of her father.

“You all right with her?” Avery asked, offering to take the baby again.

“No, she’s fine.” Scarlett jiggled the baby a bit in her arms. “She’s great.”

“That’s my girl,” Gunnar said, pulling a silly face for Cadence. “Aren’t you Uncle Gunnar’s favorite girl?”

“Hey,” Erin said. “Then what am I?”

Gunnar started stammering. “I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that she’s like--”

Erin cut him off, bumping his shoulder with hers, “I was joking, you goof.” She smiled at Cadence and rubbed the baby’s leg through her tights.

“You want to hold her?” Scarlett asked.

“Oh, no.” Erin held up her hands. “I am allergic to babies.”

Scarlett shrugged and listened absently as Avery and Gunnar talked about their favorite bands and musical influences, which was a conversation she had heard many, many times at the Bluebird and on the road and while writing with them. It never failed to surprise her that they hadn’t yet exhausted that topic.

She cooed at the baby, but then watched as Cadence turned her head towards the sound of her mother’s laugh where she stood talking to Will and Kevin. She noticed Avery did the same thing, stopping mid-sentence to glance over his shoulder and watch Juliette. His face held the same expression it had years ago when Juliette had come to his apartment to “thank” him for the Music City festival show. That look had told Scarlett everything he hadn’t been able to say about the status of their relationship. She knew things had changed between Avery and Juliette (the major proof of that was riding Scarlett’s hip, chewing on a teething ring and drooling down her brand new bib), but looking at him, she hoped they hadn’t been irreparably destroyed. Avery’s heart was set on Juliette, try as he might to rail against it.

She smiled down at the baby and nuzzled her little cheek before whispering in her ear. “Hope you get your family back soon, little one.”

 

* * *

 

Will’s barbeque was a hit. Gunnar wiped sauce from his fingers, lamenting the fact that Christmas barbecue hadn’t been customary in his life before. He silently vowed to make it a new tradition, like the tree he and Will had wrangled in the house a couple days ago. They had perhaps gone overboard on the garland and ornaments, but as he took in the sight of his friends laughing together, their faces aglow in the twinkling lights he’d wound around and around the tree, it felt like just enough.

He finished off the rib in his hand and almost felt bad for Cadence, who got pureed green beans instead of barbecue, but she seemed to be enjoying them. Avery and Juliette sat next to him on the couch and he’d watched them juggle their plates, stealing bites of food while taking turns feeding their daughter, looking as if they’d done it a dozen times before.

“Yummy, yummy green beans,” Juliette said, leaning forward to where the baby was sitting in her portable high chair. She worked the spoon around Cadence’s fingers to get the food into her mouth. “Cady Jo, you’re gonna be a mess if you don’t move those fingers.” Avery handed her a napkin and Gunnar watched as she wiped the baby’s hand, then mopped her soaked and stained bib. “This bib is a goner.”

“No way,” he said. “I just got her that one.” That one and several others. He had, in fact, gotten her a bib, a stuffed animal or some other type of toy at almost every major stop they’d had while on the road. Erin had accompanied him the first couple of times, but he could tell she was bored with searching out baby items. It was after he’d found that cute uncle bib in a small store in Charleston that she finally said something.

“What is it with you and this baby?” She’d asked, her voice elevating enough for him to know she was annoyed and not just curious. “I mean,” she paused and gestured to the rows of bibs and onesies hanging in front of them. “She’s not yours.”

“I know she’s not mine, Erin,” he’d said. “But this is her first Christmas and she’s…” he trailed off, unable to explain why he kept buying gifts for Avery’s daughter, even when he had at least three stuffed animals on the bus and had already mailed her an adorable headband with a flower that he guessed would be a pretty close match to the blue of her eyes. It wasn’t solely because of Christmas, although that was part of it. He hadn’t figured on ever really getting to know Cadence that well, especially after Avery quit the band. But after they moved in and Gunnar spent time with her, he found himself looking forward to seeing her at the end of the day, especially when she started recognizing his face and would sometimes grant him a toothless smile when she saw him.

He remembered the first time he and Will baby-sat and how she screamed loud enough to wake the dead until they broke out their guitars and sang “Cowgirls Don’t Cry.” She stopped mid-wail and stared at them, her eyes bouncing from him to Will and back to him. After they’d finished, her bottom lip started quivering and he and his roommate glanced at each other and quickly started playing the song again before she started hollering. Two more times all the way through and her little eyes drifted closed, much to his and Will’s relief.

He hadn’t been able to put all that into words, and in truth, didn’t really want to explain. So he just said, “She’s like family.”

Erin didn’t say much after that, but he made sure to go shopping on his own from then. He was surprised that she even asked, since everything with Erin was all about good times and letting loose. He wished she had reacted more like Scarlett, who just shook her head when he came back to the bus with another gift.

He wished he could stop comparing every girl to Scarlett. And he realized he’d been making that particular wish for a few years now.

Gunnar finished off another rib and snuck a glance at Scarlett and Caleb sitting on his other couch. It was the first time he’d seen them together in a few months. Caleb didn’t usually pick Scarlett up when they got back in town, which was kinda strange, now that he was considering it. They sat across from him, eating in silence and Scarlett had that far off look she usually got when she was working through lyrics in her head. They looked miserable, he thought. As if they were both being held hostage by the other. Maybe it was the tour. He knew that those long separations could strain a relationship.

He didn’t like Caleb. And that was probably an understatement for the depth of his true feelings. But he had tried to get used to the guy because Scarlett had made it pretty clear that Caleb was the one she wanted. That it was strictly music between the two of them and he had to accept that. And so he tried to make that enough. Being her bandmate and friend. Writing love songs with her and about her and pouring his feelings into the microphone, letting the songs say what he dared not.

Then Erin had come along, lively and mysterious, and gave him something else to focus on. And for a time, that had been enough to distract him from thinking of Scarlett that way. For a time, it had worked.

Erin sat on his right, her plate balanced on her knees. She was deep in conversation with Kevin and Will, who were sitting next to each other, bodies touching from hips to knees. Will held a bottle of beer in one hand and gestured wildly with his other. Erin was giggling and Kevin had a look of amusement on his face as he looked at his partner. He touched Will’s knee every now and then, and Gunnar watched as Will stopped waving his hand in the air to cover Kevin’s hand with his own. They looked happy and Gunnar was pleased that his friend had actually taken his advice and called Kevin to see if they could work things out.

Juliette bumped his left arm and Gunnar turned his head to look at her. “Did you say something?”

“I said this macaroni and cheese is amazing.” She used her fork to point at the small pile of pasta on her plate. “Did you make it?”

He almost lied and said yes, if only to wipe the doubt from her face. “No. I, uh, called Emily and she suggested this place for the side dishes. A restaurant called--”

“Silo.” Juliette cut him off before he could finish. “That makes sense. Emily ordered this for me a lot because I craved it for about a month when I was pregnant. Lunch and dinner. Then I moved on to other things.”

“Sea salt caramels,” Avery said as he fed the baby another spoonful of food.

“Yes,” she glanced over her shoulder at him. “Sea salt caramels.”

“And then lime Jello with milk.”

Juliette wrinkled her nose. “Yeah, that was gross. Can’t believe I ate that.”

“Neither can I,” Avery said. “Used to gag watching you.”

“Well, anyway,” Gunnar interrupted before they could continue reminiscing about Juliette’s weird pregnancy cravings. “Emily’s awesome. I’m sure she’s a great assistant.”

“She’s my friend,” Juliette quietly corrected him. “Closest thing I have to a sister.”

Gunnar nodded, surprised to hear Juliette’s words. He had never really thought much of her, especially after he saw her and Jeff together at that party. He’d always thought Avery, Emily and Cadence deserved much better, but he understood there must be something he was missing. Emily was fiercely loyal, defending Juliette even when she was completely out of control. And Avery? Gunnar had noted the way he kept sneaking glances at her since she’d arrived and handed her gift over to him with a shy smile. Based on those looks alone, Gunnar figured Cadence’s bib wasn’t the only thing that was a goner.

In all fairness, Juliette seemed to be doing all right. The day before, when Avery had told him that he’d invited her to the party, Gunnar hadn’t known what to expect. He hadn’t thought it was his roommate’s best idea considering everything that had happened, but Avery explained that he didn’t want her sitting in her house all alone for the holiday. Gunnar couldn’t argue with that. He’d spent several years worth of holidays by himself before he came to Nashville.

“You gonna be all right though?” He’d asked. “Don’t you think it’ll be awkward?”

Avery had been doing laundry and folded two tiny pink shirts before answering. “I don’t want it to be. Think it’d be kinda unfair to invite her and then treat her like I don’t really want her here.” He pulled another shirt from the basket in front of him. “It’s our daughter’s first Christmas and I want them to be together even if we’re…” He trailed off, finished the sentence with a shrug. “I’m just going to do my best so that it won’t be uncomfortable for either of us.”

Gunnar didn’t think Avery had ever stopped loving Juliette, he was just hurt and angry at how it had all played out. He knew a little about that too, having love simmer under rage. That had been Avery’s reaction when he found out about Juliette and Jeff, lashing out at any and everything that dared cross his path. Love won out that time. Honestly, Gunnar wondered what it was like to love somebody that way. It took courage, he figured, to love so much that you’d forgive someone for tearing your world asunder and then have nerve enough to trust them again.

Avery had done it once though, Gunnar reminded himself. He watched as Avery fed the baby the last of her dinner. Cadence made a face as if she didn’t think the green beans were yummy, despite what her mother had said.

“Think this kid is ready for a bottle and a new bib,” Juliette said, scooting forward on the couch to unbuckle the baby from the high chair. Cadence chose that moment to blow a raspberry, spewing green slobbery wetness all over her mother’s white sweater.

Gunnar stopped chewing long enough to look down and check his plate for any goo that might have made its way over to his precious ribs. Luckily, he’d been out of range. Avery seemed to have fared just as well, with only a few drops on his hand that he quickly wiped off.

“Cadence Jolene Barkley,” Juliette said, looking down at her sweater. “You just love getting mama wet, don’t you?” She tickled the baby’s stomach before lifting her out of the seat.

“You can probably blame me for that,” Will spoke up, an apologetic look on his face. “I kinda taught her how to do that the other day.”

“Guess you taught her well,” she said. “Her aim is impeccable.”

“Think she’s ready for pajamas?” Avery asked.

“Mm-hm,” Juliette agreed. “And a diaper change.”

He made a move to reach for her diaper bag but Juliette shook her head at him. “Think maybe this one should be done upwind of the living room.” She lifted Cadence in the air to smell her backside. “Yeah. Definitely.”

He stood and took the baby from her, but Scarlett stopped him before he could go up the stairs.

“Oh, wait. Before you go up, Caleb and I have a gift for her.” Scarlett retrieved a box she’d set under the tree and handed it to Avery.

Gunnar wiped his hands and set his plate on the table next to him and quickly walked over to the tree to pull a gift from beneath it. “Hey, I have one too. You should open mine too before you take her upstairs.”

“Okay,” Avery said slowly, accepting the gift Gunnar held. He sat back down and passed the baby to Juliette. Gunnar hoped Avery would open his gift first, but he ripped the paper from Scarlett’s box.

“Look what daddy has.” Juliette said, turning so Cadence was facing Avery, but the baby was more interested in her favorite two fingers than what her father was doing.  
Avery opened the box to reveal a pair of red and white striped pajamas embroidered with the words Cadence’s First Christmas.

“Oh, how sweet.” Juliette said, reaching out to run her fingers over the reindeer on the shirt. “Thank you so much, Scarlett.”

“Thanks, Scarlett.” Avery held the pajamas up for Cadence. “Look what Scarlett got you for your first Christmas.”

“Well, not that it matters now, but I got her some too,” Gunnar said, unable to keep the bitter edge from his voice. Every eye in the house turned to him, even Cadence, who fell back in Juliette’s arms and stared at him, her little face turned upside down. If he hadn’t been so embarrassed, he would have laughed at the act, the way she gurgled and green-tinged drool rolled across her cheek and dripped onto her mother’s clothes, putting the final nail in the coffin for Juliette’s white sweater. But he was embarrassed with everyone looking at him as if he’d cussed at Scarlett. Erin elbowed his side.

Avery gave him a look that quite clearly said, “what the hell?” before tearing the paper from the gift and pulling out another pair of pajamas, green and red this time, adorned with the words Little Elf’s First Christmas.

“Thank you, Gunnar,” Juliette said, adjusting Cadence in her lap so that she was sitting upright. “She can wear one tonight and one tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I guess great minds think alike.” Gunnar said, glancing at Scarlett. Her eyes were full of patience, but her mouth was pulled tight. It was the kind of look he imagined her giving her uncle after he’d fallen off the wagon for the first time in years. It made him feel even more like a heel for making the gift giving a competition.

“Thanks, Gunnar.” Avery said, taking Cadence from Juliette. He grabbed both pair of pajamas before taking the baby up the stairs.

“Guess we’ll wait for them to come back before we start with the gift exchange.” Gunnar said, reaching for his plate. Erin’s was on the table next to it, so he grabbed hers too. When he looked up from the table, she was staring at him, her expression the same as it had been in that baby store in Charleston.

“What is it with you?” She asked, her voice low enough so that he was the only one that heard.

He ignored her and stepped away, taking their plates into the kitchen. He heard Will behind him telling Kevin he would get him another beer. As expected, his roommate sidled up next to him at the kitchen counter.

“What the hell was that about?” Will hissed in his ear.

“The pajamas? I just wanted to do something special for her since Avery’s been making a big deal about it being her first--”

“I’m not talking about that.” Will cut him off. “I’m talking about you with Scarlett.”

“Come on. Like Caleb had anything to do with that gift.”

“Dude,” Will said. “Chill.” He grabbed two beers from the refrigerator. “I’m gonna see about that grill,” he said, before leaving Gunnar alone in the kitchen.

Probably shouldn’t have said that, Gunnar thought. He didn’t know why he had, honestly. Sometimes words just bubbled up and came out before he had a chance to check them. That had always seemed to be his problem where Scarlett was concerned.

 

* * *

 

Will heard the back door open behind him, but didn’t look up until the person was next to him. He figured it was Kevin, coming out to talk while they waited for Avery to come back downstairs with Cadence. He was surprised to look up and see Juliette. She leaned one hip against the porch rail, hands tucked into the pocket of her jeans. Will guessed she was trying to work up the nerve to say what she’d come outside for, so he kept fooling with the grill and waited.

“I see you found that one, huh?” She finally said.

“That one what?”

“The one that makes you feel like the best version of yourself.”

Will stopped raking the coals long enough to look at her, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. It took him a minute to remember their conversation a few years ago when he had been one of her openers. “Reckon so,” he said and then couldn’t stop himself from smiling when he thought about Kevin.

She half smiled, her lips lifting a little on one side. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m happy for you. Coming out was pretty brave.”

“Thank you.” He turned back to the grill, contemplating the dying embers before lifting his eyes to look at her. “You found that person too.”

“I did,” she said. “And then lost him.”

Will paused for the slightest of seconds. “He still loves you.”

“I know he does,” she said simply. “That’s not our problem. I’m the - I destroyed us.”

Will winced when he heard the pain in her voice. He knew more than most what it was like to hate yourself for something you couldn’t help. “The post-partum wasn’t your fault,” he said softly.

“I know.” She shrugged. “I’ve accepted that. But after everything that happened?” Her voice lifted at the end, making her sentence a question. “He’s not going to forgive all that.”

He closed the cover of the grill while working over what he was going to say. “I’m probably overstepping my bounds a hell of a lot right now, but I’ve done some things I’m ashamed of and hurt some people I cared about so I might know a little bit about how you feel.” He hooked his fingers in waistband of his jeans, thinking about Brent and Layla and how he’d hurt them both without truly meaning to. “You were sick. Admitting that you needed help was a brave thing for you to do. He sees the effort you’re making to get better. He sees you,” he repeated the last, locking eyes with her. “Honestly, Juliette, if Avery could stop himself from loving you, he would have done it by now. He can’t. You’re it for him. That one that makes him want to be the best version of himself. You and Cadence. And as long as that’s the case, maybe there’s a chance y’all can work through it.”

She nodded slowly and it seemed as if she was letting his words sink in. “Thank you.”

Her small smile was all he needed to see before putting his arm over her shoulder. “Come on. We better get inside before Gunnar comes looking for us. He’s way too excited about these gifts.” He paused, stopping her from opening the door. “Don’t tell him, but I got Cady some pajamas too. No elves or reindeer though. Texas Longhorns, with a little ruffle on the backside.”

Juliette looked up at him and giggled. “Will, I’m starting to think you’re a bad influence on my baby.”

As they stepped back inside, he hoped he hadn’t meddled too much. He hadn’t said anything he wouldn’t stand by, but he didn’t want Avery coming to him later, angry with him for speaking to Juliette about their issues. Avery had been open about his hurt, but he could also be private, keeping his focus on his daughter and his struggle to get a foothold in the world without his wife.

Will watched as Juliette walked over to the bottom of the stairs where Avery held Cadence. The baby reached for her mother, kicking her little feet in the pajamas Gunnar had given her. From where he stood, Will could see Avery’s smile as Juliette took their daughter in her arms.

 _I always thought they’d make it_ , Will thought. _Maybe they’ll prove me right_.


	3. Chapter Three

Avery had thought the hardest part would be pretending. So she’d feel comfortable. So everyone else wouldn’t sense any tension between them. He’d thought maybe it had been a mistake to invite her when they hadn’t spent an evening together in months. He’d thought that maybe she’d show up as Juliette Barnes the superstar, working the party like she did those industry deals she attended all the time. He hadn’t expected her to come in, nervousness all over her face, holding her gift out to him like a peace offering. She wore jeans and lip gloss and had her hair pulled back in a simple ponytail. She looked like the woman he’d befriended a few short years ago. She looked like the woman he fell in love with.

The hardest part was not putting his arm around her while they sat next to each other on Gunnar’s couch. The hardest part was not leaning in to listen to her hum as she fed Cadence her bottle. The hardest part was not saying to hell with it and telling her the truth, that he didn’t want to give up on their marriage when it had barely begun. But he’d already tried setting it all aside as if it didn’t matter. That hadn’t worked.

She’d come back home for her album launch and threw a party, filling their house with strangers just hours after telling the world how much she’d missed her family. He could tell by the panicked expression on her face that she hadn’t expected him to show up there. She cleared the house and apologized with tears in her eyes. He believed her. He forgave her.

With the baby sleeping, there was time for him to love her like he’d wanted to do for weeks. They made a mess of the sheets. He strummed his fingers over her body until she was gasping under his touch. Then she cupped his face in her palms and said, “I love you, Avery.” He told her to say it again and she did, whispering it over and over, her lips near his ear and her hand resting on his heart.

He’d been willing to give up everything he wanted for himself to go out on the road with her, even willing to put up with her hiring Jeff as her manager - anything as long as he and Cadence could be with her. But then she’d left again without so much as a word and it was almost as if she’d never been there to begin with.

He thought of how many times he’d woken up in the middle of the night, reaching for her across the mattress, his fingers groping nothing but dead space. And then he’d lay there and stare at the ceiling, wondering how his life had caved in on him and what he could have done to stop it.

When he looked back on it with the clarity of hindsight, he could see how Juliette had changed a little more every day after they brought the baby home. At first, she was happy. In fact, she was happier than he’d ever seen her. She wouldn’t put their daughter down, even when the baby was sleeping, even when he reminded her of his mother’s advice, that she should sleep when the baby did.

“I will,” she said. But then she wouldn’t and he’d often find that she’d fallen asleep with the baby on her chest, her back against the pillows on their bed.

At first, he’d blamed the change in her behavior on exhaustion; they did have a newborn after all. But it was more than that. She’d stopped singing to Cadence. Stopped rocking their daughter to sleep. She was stiff when she held the baby. At night, he could feel her body tense when they heard the baby’s cries through the monitor. She was annoyed by everything and increasingly frustrated by the status of her career. He didn’t understand it, but could see that she was closing herself off, tucking a hardness around herself and folding in where he couldn’t reach her.

Their daughter was only three weeks old when she jumped up and flew to LA to finish that Patsy song. She had not said anything to him about leaving and didn’t answer her phone for hours after he knew her jet would have landed. She finally called him back, saying she would be home in a few days. As if it were no big deal.

Meanwhile Cadence, who had only known the warmth of her mother’s breast, fought the bottle, crying until her chin quivered and he thought she’d make herself sick. He was near his wit’s end when his mother finally got there from the airport. It was her idea to swaddle Cadence in one of Juliette’s shirts while she was eating so she could at least catch the smell of her mother from the fabric and that worked to get her to accept the artificial nipple.

After Juliette joined Luke’s tour and he went to his parents’, he found that same shirt in the bottom of one of the bags he’d hurriedly packed before confronting his wife. He must have grabbed it when he was snatching shirts and socks from drawers and tossing them inside a suitcase, all the while hoping he wouldn’t have to use it. Hoping she’d see sense and get help. Of course, she hadn’t. Those first nights in Ohio, Avery put the shirt next to Cadence as she lay in the unfamiliar crib his parents had gotten for his old bedroom. It seemed to comfort her and sometimes he’d find her sleeping with her body facing that way, little hands curled up against the cotton of her mother’s shirt.

One day he accidentally washed it with a load of baby clothes. He pulled it out of his mother’s dryer and held it in front of him, thinking of how Juliette wore it on and off during her last weeks of pregnancy because it was one of the only shirts she could still fit. A white shirt with a musical staff and notes that ran across it. She’d been wearing it when he proposed. She’d worn it one night when she had insomnia and he found her lying on the couch, buried beneath the denim quilt his grandmother had made for him, the one she hated, her eyes bleary from watching infomercials all night.

She’d worn it the day before he left to go on tour with the band and they’d lain in bed together. She had lifted the shirt up so they could watch her belly jump as their daughter moved inside of her. She placed his hand on a bump that may have been Cadence’s leg or possibly an arm and said, her voice full of wonder, “Three weeks. Can you believe that?”

She wore it home from the hospital. She was tired and sore, but refused to lay the baby in her bassinet. “She’s so beautiful,” she’d said, looking at him, her eyes glistening with tears. “I can’t believe she’s ours.”

Avery would never admit to anyone that he used to pull the shirt from Cadence’s crib and hold it up to his nose and inhale, wondering if she would contact him before the smell of her had completely faded away. And then it was gone, replaced by the clean scent of laundry detergent. She was gone. He’d covered his face with one hand and cried right there in his parents’ laundry room, her shirt hanging at his side.

He’d quickly realized that if he dwelled on how she’d thrown them away, he could start to hate her and he didn’t want that. He couldn’t stop the anger that grew more with every day that passed. He couldn’t stop the pain of having to raise Cadence alone, knowing that she should have been there. But he couldn’t hate her, not even when he told himself it was for the best to push her out of his mind. Even then she remained in his heart.

Now, he didn’t know how to get beyond his hurt. He wanted so desperately to believe that she wouldn’t toss them to the side again. But he was terrified. She could destroy him. She’d done it before. And God help him if he set his heart on that altar for her to slaughter him again.

* * *

 Scarlett felt as if she hadn’t truly laughed in a long time, but she couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up as they exchanged the gag gifts. She giggled when Kevin unwrapped the oversized adult bibs and put one on saying he’d wear it the next time Will barbequed. She chuckled when Erin traded her Brazilian Butt Lift for Caleb’s Rake Hands. And she had to cover her mouth with her hands to stifle a snort when Gunnar unwrapped the talking toilet paper holder that quipped, “Please remain seated during the performance.”

For the first time in months she felt like she was coming out of something, out of the dark place that she’d been in since Deacon got sick. Singing helped, always. Caleb had been a source of joy at one point. Of comfort. But not now. She frowned, realizing that she couldn’t even remember the last time they’d laughed together. She could accept that he didn’t have Avery’s wry sense of humor, which she’d had to grow into appreciating. And she knew everyone wasn’t like Gunnar, who was playful as much as he was serious, but Caleb was something else entirely. She’d meant what she told Zoey, that he could sometimes be like hugging a textbook. At the time, she’d felt bad for blurting it out across the table, but it was true. More and more he was joyless. Critical of the band, of the time she spent making music. He would always back down if she called him on the negative comments he made, but she knew he thought his career was far, far more important than hers. Doctoring was obviously important, but music had saved her life. Singing had helped her find herself when she had been lost. Scarlett didn’t think Caleb would ever understand that. She didn’t know if he would even try to understand how important music was to her. And that made her question everything about their relationship. She knew love didn’t always feel good - that was a fact she’d known since childhood, but she wanted her relationship to feel like the first note of a song she never wanted to end. She didn’t have that with Caleb.

She accepted her refilled glass of wine from him and then scooted so he could fit on the couch next to her. He gave her a brief smile and she leaned into the curve of his body and crossed her legs.

“We should probably go after we finish this glass.”

“It’s still early,” she said. He didn’t say anything, but tightened his arm around her, pulling her closer. She sipped from her glass, watching as Avery chose the gift she’d brought, the largest one left under the tree.

“This is heavy,” he said as he lifted it and carried it back to the couch.

She sat up so she could watch his reaction and he pulled the paper off in long strips, revealing the gel toilet seat cushion. She couldn’t help laughing at the baffled expression on his face.

“What in the world?” Gunnar said, his mouth hanging open in awe.

“I would have killed for one of those when I was pregnant,” Juliette said, pausing in the act of bouncing the baby on her knee to squeeze the toilet cushion. “Would have been great to rest my arms on while I was puking my guts out.”

“I can appreciate that, but even still I think I’d rather trade this for something else,” Avery said. He pointed at Will and traded the toilet seat for a Wallet Ninja instead.  
Juliette gave the baby to Avery before getting up to pick up the one remaining box. She returned to her space on the couch and unwrapped a Snuggie with little penguins printed all over it.

“Oh, my God,” she said. “I actually wanted one of these!” She opened the box and pulled the huge fleece blanket into her lap. “I saw the commercial for these a hundred times when I had insomnia. I almost ordered one.”

“I remember,” Avery said. “I had to threaten to take your phone away to stop you.”

Juliette held her hands out for Cadence. “Come here, baby girl. Come snuggle with mama under her Snuggie.” She draped the blanket over her lap, covering both her and Cadence’s legs.

“Is everybody happy with their gift?” Gunnar asked.

“How could I be happy with this?” Will asked, holding the toilet seat up in the air. “Don’t be surprised to see this thing under the tree again next year.”

“Well, I’m very pleased with my EZ egg cracker,” Scarlett said, raising her glass in Gunnar’s direction. “Next time I make omelets for ten people, it might come in handy.”

Caleb squeezed her shoulders, reminding her again that he was ready to leave. She glanced over at him. “All right,” she said, her voice low. “I get it.” She downed the rest of her wine in a gulp and got up, gathering the ripped wrapping paper from their gifts and took it to the kitchen to stuff it in the trashcan. She noticed Gunnar’s plate on the counter, piled high with rib bones, and resisted the urge to start cleaning.

Erin walked in with her coat in her hand and got another cookie from the almost empty platter. “Night,” she said, raising her arm in a kind of salute before leaving the kitchen.

Scarlett waved and watched her walk back into the living room. She was beginning to think Erin’s relationship with Gunnar wasn’t everything she’d imagined it to be. On the road the past few weeks, they seemed to be having a good time with each other, but Erin had been unusually quiet at the party and as the evening wore on, she looked as if she wasn’t enjoying herself that much. She’d hardly said anything during the gift exchange.

 _Maybe it’s just an off night for them too_ , she thought. _Lord knows I can sympathize with that._

Caleb walked in, setting his wine glass on the counter. “I’ll get our coats.”

Scarlett was just about to nod, resigned to ending her evening early than she wanted, when she heard a guitar and then Will singing, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” She glanced over the counter into the living room and watched as Kevin joined in, his voice complimenting Will’s perfectly.

“Wait,” she said. “I want to stay for a bit.”

Caleb rolled his eyes. “Scarlett, come on. We agreed to leave after the gifts.” He took a step towards her. “It was your idea.”

“I told you, you can go,” she said, snatching Gunnar’s plate from the counter and dumping it in the trash. She grabbed their empty wine glasses and took them to the sink, turning her back to him. “I can get somebody to drop me off.”

“Is that what you want to do?”

She heard the impatience in his voice. His tone was begging for an argument. For a brief moment she thought about what she was asking for, wondering if maybe it was too much. She shrugged, carefully setting the glasses in the sink, holding the stems to make sure they didn’t bump each other. “I can stay by myself or we can stay for just a while longer.” She twisted the faucet and ran her fingers under the stream of cold water for a few seconds before turning to face him. He hadn’t moved and she waited for his reaction, for him to push back again, but he just looked at her for a long moment and then nodded.

“Fine, we’ll stay.”

She stayed in the kitchen, listening to Will, Kevin and Avery, who had moved to a chair so he could have room for his guitar without hitting Juliette or the baby.

Caleb returned to his seat on the couch, his face pinched and sullen. She sighed and leaned her hip against the counter, knowing that argument she’d been trying to avoid all evening was imminent. That her Christmas Eve would end with terse words and accusations. Even an apology wouldn’t make much difference, which was just as well, because she didn’t feel like telling Caleb she was sorry for wanting to stay in the warmth of Gunnar’s house for a while longer.

 _We were never gonna be enough for each other_ , she thought. It eased her mind to finally admit it to herself.

She rounded the counter and took the seat Avery had left open, next to Juliette. She held her hand out to Cadence, smiling as the baby’s fingers circled one of hers. Will and Avery started playing the final notes of the song and she joined in for the last line, her voice high and clear.

* * *

 Erin leaned over the couch and ruffled Gunnar’s hair. “I’m gonna go ahead and get out of here,” she said.

Gunnar tilted his head up to look at her looming over him. “It’s still early.”

“I know, but I gotta get up in the morning and get to my mom’s so…”

“All right. Well, glad you came,” he stood up to walk her to the door, grabbing another cookie as he walked past the plate. “I’ll see you in a few days, I guess.”

“Right,” she said, stopping at the door. She turned around to look at him. “We’ve had fun, yeah?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, we have.”

“I think you’re looking for more than that though,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him. She continued before he could speak. “Just…don’t say anything, Gunnar. Remember how I told you that you were transparent?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you are. And I don’t think what we’ve got is what you want.” He tried to figure out how to respond to that when she reached up and kissed his cheek. “See you around.”

He watched her walk towards her car, thinking that hanging out with her made him feel a little like he had after Jason died and he got caught up in trying to be some sort of imitation outlaw. Trying to live a life that wasn’t for him. He didn’t want a girl this year and then next year a different one. Two years ago it was Scarlett, then Zoey (though she’d run off to LA right before Christmas) and now Erin. He just didn’t want to live like that. He wanted someone who understood his need to put down roots. Someone who would be family to him.


	4. Chapter Four

Avery loved that his daughter enjoyed music so much. She sat in her mother’s lap, waving her arms in the air as she watched them sing “White Christmas.” Her mouth formed a circle as she squealed and he chuckled at her excitement.

Everybody had joined in the singing except Juliette, even after Gunnar tried prompting her.

“Not much for Christmas songs,” she replied with a shrug.

Gunnar glanced at him and Avery shook his head a tiny bit, hoping he would leave it alone. So far, Juliette seemed to be enjoying herself and he hoped to keep it that way. Two more songs and Scarlett finally held up her hands and said that she and Caleb were going to head home, but Gunnar insisted on one more.

“Sing with us,” he said, bumping Juliette’s shoulder with his. She shook her head. “Come on. It’s the last one. We’ll do something you know.” He furrowed his brow as he

thought. “‘Celebrate Me Home.’ You know it, right?”

Juliette briefly closed her eyes and Avery guessed that she wished he would have chosen a different song.

“I do,” she finally said.

“Great. You can sing lead,” Gunnar said.

Juliette’s eyes opened wide and he could see her shoulders tense. He almost spoke up for her, but Scarlett jumped in before he could.

“It’s okay,” she said, looking at Juliette. “We’ll back you up.”

Juliette turned to her and frowned a bit, and Avery was sure she was going to tell them she didn’t want to sing. He would have supported her if she had, but she surprised him by nodding at Scarlett. “All right,” she said, biting her lip as she looked over at him.

He adjusted his guitar on his lap but paused before touching the strings, his eyes silently asking her if she was okay. She smiled a little and shrugged. He returned her smile, hoping to reassure her, before playing the opening chords of the song.

She scooted forward a little on the couch, balancing the baby on her lap as she sang. “Home for the holidays. I believe I’ve missed each and every face. Come on and--”

She broke off, the verse ending raggedly as she shook her head, unable to finish. She wiped her eyes with one hand and Scarlett reached over to put an arm around her shoulders. Will stopped playing his guitar, looking first at Juliette and then at Avery. Avery paid him no mind and kept playing, kept staring at Juliette until she looked up at him. He finished the verse she had begun, “It's time I found myself totally surrounded in your circle with all my friends.”

He kept his eyes on hers, prompting her to join in and she did, ignoring her tears as they sang together. They finished the song that way, with everyone joining in for the chorus, but as far as Avery was concerned, it was just the two of them blending their voices into a harmonious duet.

* * *

 

Scarlett felt a great peace come over her as she sang. It was how she’d hoped to feel on Christmas, relaxed and warm. She could have stayed all night, singing song after song, but from the sharp looks Caleb kept throwing her, she knew she was testing his patience. That last song would definitely be their last, even if Gunnar suggested another.

“Get our coats?” She said to Caleb as she stood from the couch. She grabbed her EZ egg cracker from where she’d set it on the floor and then said her goodbyes. When she turned around, she bumped into Gunnar who had walked up behind her. “Sorry,” she said, placing her hands on his arm to steady herself.

“No problem.”

“I’ll just get my platter later,” she said, motioning towards the cookies. She slid her purse on her shoulder and brushed past him to start down the short hallway to the front door. Caleb stood just inside, her coat hanging over his arm as he jingled his keys in his hand. She’d only taken a few steps toward him when she noticed the mistletoe hanging above the door and she stopped walking, her feet refusing to take another step. “I forgot something,” she said. “Go on to the car. I’ll be right out.”

She spun around and went back into the living room, suddenly remembering that she had left her earrings on the mantle. Gunnar walked over to her when she went to retrieve them.

“Hey,” he said. “I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I wasn’t trying to be an ass about the pajamas. I mean, I know I ended up being one, but I wasn’t trying to--”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said, cutting off his rambling. She tucked the earrings in her purse. “The gifts were kind of your thing. I just wanted to get Cadence something nice since Avery was so worried about how her first Christmas would go and, well, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said. He followed her as she started towards the door. “And thanks for making the cookies. Those Caleb’s favorite?”

Scarlett’s eyebrows rose and she ducked her head to hide her smile. She would bet he hadn’t meant to say that last part and that it had slipped out before he could stop himself. She slowed her steps so that they were walking side by side. “Nope. They’re mine. Figured I’d make something that I like this year.”

“Might be my new favorite kind too.”

“Well, you didn’t choke on any this time,” she said. “So that’s an improvement.” She opened the door, but paused before stepping outside. She didn’t want to pry into his business, but she was tempted to ask if he and Erin were okay or if she should be worried about having to replace her before they went back out on tour.

“You all right?” He asked.

She rocked back on her heels, surprised at his question. “Funny, I was gonna ask you the same thing.”

“I’m good.”

“Me too,” she said, glancing at him through her lashes. “I better get out there. It’s late.”

“Yeah.”

She stepped out on the porch, watching as Caleb turned his car around in a neighbor’s driveway down the street.

“Thanks for coming.”

She turned around to thank him for the invitation and once more remembered the mistletoe over her head. On impulse she stood on tiptoe and pressed her lips to his in a kiss that lasted just a few seconds. His lips were warm and sweet. “I had a good time,” she said, squeezing his hand. “Talk to you later.”

She took slow steps to Caleb’s car despite the chill in the air and her lack of a coat. There was an argument brewing, one that would probably lead to the end of her relationship, but she was fine with that. The next day was Christmas. She figured she’d probably go to her uncle’s house, maybe make another batch of thumbprint clues and let Christmas movies play in the background while she called Zoey and caught up with her. Maybe she’d write a song, she thought. She smiled to herself, song lyrics already churning in her mind. This had been exactly want she needed.

* * *

 

Avery set his guitar aside and moved back to the couch next to Juliette. Cadence had fallen asleep in her mother’s arms, lulled to sleep by the singing. “I can take her up,” He offered.

She glanced up at him, her eyes still wet with tears and shook her head slightly, then looked down and ran her fingers over the baby’s brow. “Not just yet,” she said softly.

He put his hand on her arm. “You can bring her up if you want. Lay her down.”

She nodded and he led her up the stairs to the room he and Cadence shared and stood by the door, watching as she approached the crib, rocking the baby and then kissing her forehead. He swore he’d never seen her so beautiful as she was right then, holding their daughter in her arms, with no jewelry save for her wedding ring and wearing a sweater that was probably stained beyond redemption. She took his breath away. She always had. She wasn’t even trying.

“Goodnight, baby girl. I love you.” She stood there a minute more before placing Cadence in her crib. “God, she reminds me so much of you.”

“Really?” He didn’t see it. He saw so much of Juliette in Cadence it was sometimes painful. He walked to the crib and stood next to her, watching at she smoothed the baby’s hair away from her face.

“Yeah,” she said as if it were obvious. “When she smiles, her eyes light up just like yours.” She lightly drummed her fingertips against the crib railing. “I love making her laugh,” she said softly. She looked over at him and took a deep breath. “Thank you for that with the song. I’m sorry I got so emotional.”

“Don’t apologize for that. I’ll always do that for you,” he said. They stared at each other for a beat and he hoped she could tell that he meant what he’d said. Musically, he’d always encourage her. That was a promise he would keep no matter what.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Anything,” he said.

“I was really scared,” she began, backing away from the crib. She took a few steps towards the door before stopping in the front of his bed. “Even when I was still carrying her, I was so scared. You were so sure I’d be a great mom and I didn’t want to disappoint you. I tried not to think about it but I just knew I was gonna do something wrong.” She paused, wrapping her arms around herself before she continued. “Then she came early, and that was probably my fault for having that tantrum over the stupid baby shower. And you almost didn’t make it and that would have been my fault too. And it was like, already I was failing.”

“Juliette,” he said, stepping towards her. “You can’t blame yourself for--”

“Avery,” she said. “Please.”

He stopped and waited for her to continue.

“When she came, she was perfect. And I finally had the family I’d been wanting for so long. Those first couple days, I felt like the happiest woman in the world.” She cast a wistful glance towards the crib before looking at him. “But then…I just wasn’t. Like I woke up one morning and it was gone. I was…confused. All of those fears came back. I was afraid she wasn’t getting enough milk when I nursed her. I was terrified that I might drop her. What if she died in her sleep? And I couldn’t - I couldn’t turn it off. All of it was so overwhelming. I thought maybe if I did that song and went to LA and just got away for a few days that when I came back, I’d feel better.” She shook her head, glancing up at the ceiling as if she were trying to hold back tears. “But I didn’t. It was even worse, like I was suffocating under all these thoughts that just would not stop. And I was so angry about everything. I tried to pretend like I was okay and sometimes that worked. I thought maybe a lot of new mothers felt like I did and that it would get easier as she got older.” She shrugged. “I’d wanted her so much and I couldn’t understand why I didn’t…couldn’t be around her. It didn’t make sense to me because I knew that I loved her, but…there were nights when I would lie next to you and cry, terrified that she would wake up and I’d have to go get her. I hated myself for feeling that way. I felt like I was losing control and I just wanted to be somewhere safe. Somewhere I could be my old self. For me, that’s in the studio and on that stage.” She stopped and he noticed the tears had spilled from her eyes and were freely coursing down her cheeks. “This probably isn’t making any sense to you.”

“No,” he said. “It is.” He crossed the room and sat down on the bed motioning for her to sit next to him. She sank down on the mattress and wiped her face.

“And then everything was so screwed up,” she shook her head as if she were confused. “I was gone and I couldn’t figure out how to get back to you. I didn’t think I should come back. I missed you. I missed both of you, but I thought maybe it was better for you and Cadence if I stayed away. I know that probably sounds selfish, but it seemed like the right decision. I had already messed up being her mother and she was only a few weeks old. I didn’t want to wreck her like Mama…” Her words broke off and she covered her face with her hands.

Avery put his hand on her shoulder, swallowing over the lump in his throat. He didn’t say anything, knowing that she wanted to finish.

“That’s when I started using. Anything I could get that would make me feel dead inside. I had all these people around me and it was the loneliest I’ve ever been. I missed you so much I thought my heart would split from it. But when I came home, it was like I couldn’t breathe again. So I left.” She glanced at him, a pained expression on her face. “I didn’t do that to hurt you, Avery. I just couldn’t let you come out on the road with me. But when Gunnar told me Cadence was sick, I was gonna try and push through it, like you said. I wanted to try for her. I thought I could. But then you told me it was over - that we were over and I wouldn’t be her mother anymore and that I would be nothing to you.”

The look of devastation on her face was like nothing he’d ever seen before. He rubbed her shoulder, willing himself not to cry.

“I just wanted to disappear,” she whispered.

That broke him. He couldn’t stop the tears that fell. That was the last thing he’d wanted. He’d wanted to help her. She was sick and he knew it even if she refused to accept it and yet, even as her husband, he hadn’t been able to help her. He wiped his face and moved his hands to his lap, thinking about how powerless he’d felt, watching her spin further and further away and having no way to stop her. He’d once swore that he’d walk through hell to save her and while he certainly felt battered and blistered from what he’d been through, he realized he hadn’t kept his promise. He could admit it now that his anger at her had ebbed away.

He cleared his throat, running one hand through his hair before he spoke. “I thought when we brought her home that we’d be the family I always wanted,” he said, his voice low. “Like mine growing up. Well, I want to be a more understanding father to Cadence than mine ever was to me. And I didn’t think you’d be a stay at home mom like my mother was. I just thought you’d be my Juliette. We’d have our careers and our baby and we’d be all right.”

She reached for his hand, covering his with own. “I am so sorry it didn’t happen that way.” She squeezed his fingers so that he looked up at her. “Avery, you are the only person I’ve ever been able to share my deepest secrets with but I couldn’t really explain all of this before. More than anything I wish I would have listened to you and gotten help. We wouldn’t be here now if I wasn’t so damaged. This is--”

“Don’t say that,” he interrupted, his eyes on her. “I’ve never thought of you that way. Never.”

He had thought she was selfish. And he’d even questioned if she’d truly wanted the baby or the marriage. Looking back, it seemed ridiculous. He knew she wanted a family.

They’d had those conversations many times. And he knew that she loved him. He’d seen the love reflected in her eyes all evening long. “I could never think of you as damaged, Juliette. Not when you’ve overcome so much. You’re one of the strongest women I know,” he said. “And I owe you an apology.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I didn’t think about what the post-partum depression felt like for you. I knew you were sick and I just kept telling you to push through it, not really realizing that you couldn’t. I’m sorry for that.”

“Avery, please don’t do that. I don’t think you could have done anything more than hit me over the head and drag me to get help.” She squeezed his hand again. “This isn’t what either of us expected, but I have PPD. I feel much better than before and I am so grateful that I was able to get the help I needed, but it’s a journey. I’ll probably be in therapy for a long time and I’m okay with that. I want to get better. I want to be the best mama I can be for our daughter. Don’t you feel at fault for anything. You helped me by trusting me with Cadence. Being able to bond with her made all the difference. Thank you for that.”

“You’re welcome.” He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, his palms flat as he smoothed them against her back. She felt the same. She smelled the same, and he inhaled deeply, resisting the urge to bury his face in her hair.

Her cell phone buzzed and she pulled away to take it out of her pocket. “That must be Bo,” she said. “I told him 11:00. He’ll be here soon.” She stood up from the bed and walked over to the crib. “Love you, baby girl. Mama will see you soon.” She turned away from the baby, watching as he stood up from the bed. “I didn’t tell you all that to make you feel bad.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t think you did,” he said. “I’m glad you told me.”

She nodded and then gestured towards the door, “I should get my things.”

“Yeah,” he agreed as she walked past him and into the hallway. He followed her down the stairs.

* * *

 

Will paused in the doorway and rested his shoulder against the frame. Kevin turned around, his face quizzical. “Thought you were coming with me?”

“I am.”

“Then what are--” He glanced up at the mistletoe and then back at Will. “That was your idea, wasn’t it?”

Will shrugged. “Maybe.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “You are such a romantic.”

“Just shut up and come here.”

As they kissed the thought crossed his mind that if any of their neighbors happened to be looking out of a window, he and Kevin were probably giving them a yuletide shock.

He grinned into the kiss before pulling back. “I love you,” he said.

For the first time he could remember, Will couldn't give a steer’s ass what anybody else thought.

* * *

 

Juliette had refolded her Snuggie and put it back in its box while Avery got her coat from the closet. “Bo’s out there?” He asked.

She slid the coat on and peered through the front door. “Yeah.”

“I could have taken you home,” he said.

She turned around to face him. “Nah. I think Gunnar is too full of the Christmas spirit to see about Cadence if she did happen to wake up. And I got Bo’s gift back at the house anyway.”

He nodded.

“Thank you for inviting me, Avery. I really enjoyed myself.”

“I’m glad you came,” he said. “If you want, we can come over tomorrow morning.”

Her eyes opened wide. “Really?”

He shrugged and smiled. “It’s Christmas.”

She threw herself into his arms, almost bowling him over with the force of it. “Thank you, Avery. So much.” He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. As he let her go,

his arm bumped the wall, hitting the light switch. He blinked into the sudden darkness as the porch light went off. She stepped back and they both looked up at light, dimly able to make out the mistletoe dangling over their heads.

 _Gunnar Scott_ , he thought.

She started to walk away, pretend she hadn’t seen it. He grabbed her arm to stop her. “Juliette, wait.” She turned around and he pulled her back and then cupped her face with his fingers. “Merry Christmas,” he said, leaning over to kiss her forehead.

“Merry Christmas,” she said.

She turned to walk away and he flicked the light switch back on, leaving that one light shining for her.


	5. Chapter Five

Bacon. Juliette slowly opened up her eyes and stared at the ceiling above her. She lifted her head from the pillow and sniffed, trying to determine if the aroma of frying meat had been in a dream or was something she was actually smelling. She sat up, shifting the blanket to the side and inhaled one more time to be sure. Definitely bacon. Her heart thudded at the thought of someone breaking into her house, but then she narrowed her eyes.

_What kind of intruder fries bacon?_

She left the guest room and headed down the hallway, jogging down the stairs and rounding the corner to the kitchen.

Avery stood at the island, whisking a bowl of eggs. The sight of him surprised her so much it took her a second to find her voice. “What are you doing here?” She finally asked.

“Making breakfast,” he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Bacon, eggs and French toast casserole. My mother makes one for Christmas every year. It’s almost done.” He nodded at the coffeemaker in the corner. “Made you some coffee.”

“Uh, thank you.”

He turned back to the stove, pouring the eggs into a skillet. “Sorry if I startled you. I called on my way over and then I knocked. I didn’t want Cadence getting cold out there so

I came in.”

“Sorry. I didn’t put my phone on the charger when I got in. It’s probably dead.”

“Where’d you come from?” he asked, glancing at her over his shoulder. “I thought you were in our - in the bedroom.”

“Upstairs,” she answered. “In the guest room up there.” She had not been able to sleep in their bedroom since she got home from the treatment center. It took everything in her to walk through the room to put Cadence in her nursery, which was why most times when she had the baby, she would just let her sleep on the couch in the living room.

“That’s probably why you didn’t hear me at the door.”

“I guess so.” He didn’t ask her why she’d slept up there, but she could tell by the look he gave her that he wanted to say something. “I wasn’t expecting you this early.”

“Juliette, it’s almost 11:00,” he said, turning the spatula in his hand.

“Oh.” She glanced at the clock. “I must have slept in a little later than I thought.”

Cadence whined and Juliette could tell by the tone that it would turn into crying if she didn’t get attention. She walked around the couch to where Avery had moved the ottoman and spread a blanket down on the floor. Juliette crouched, putting a hand on Cadence’s belly. The baby stopped whining, distracted by her mother’s touch. “What happened, Cady Jo? You rolled over on your back and got stuck again, huh? Come here.” Cadence whimpered a little more and Juliette picked her daughter up and kissed her cheek. “I know, baby girl. It’s so unfair to be able to roll over one way and not the other. You’ll get the hang of it soon.”

She put the baby down on her stomach, placing a toy within her reach and then she stood, watching Avery’s back as he calmly scrambled eggs as if there was nothing out of place about him being there. She felt like pinching herself to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

“I’ll be right back.” She went back upstairs to brush her teeth and hurriedly change out of the pajamas she’d been wearing. She found her phone, which had been lost in a tangle of bed sheets, and plugged it in. When she returned downstairs, Avery was holding their daughter and had a plate set out for her.

“Did she eat?” Juliette poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the island. She eyed the food, noticing that he’d poured syrup on her bacon just how she liked it.

“We got up early and she had a bottle so she probably is hungry by now. I’ve got some applesauce for her.” He secured Cadence in her high chair, tied a bib around her neck and then sat so the baby was between them.

She stared at him for a minute, still not understanding what was going on. When he said they’d be over in the morning, she’d assumed that he was going to drop Cadence off for a few hours. She certainly hadn’t expected him to fix her breakfast. “So, um, you said your mom makes this for Christmas?”

“Every year,” Avery said. His eyes shifted away from hers as he picked up his fork. “It’s supposed to sit in the refrigerator overnight, but she said it should be fine if I just threw it together this morning.”

He was nervous, she thought, noticing the way he kept turning the fork over in his hand. She cut into the casserole with her fork and took a bite. “Wow,” she said. “This is really good.” She took another bite, savoring the taste of cinnamon. “I swear your mother is like Martha Stewart’s baby sister or something.” She said it in an attempt to help him relax and felt relieved when he cracked a smile, however slight.

“She’d probably take that as a compliment.”

He offered Cadence a spoonful of applesauce and Juliette watched as their daughter opened her mouth eagerly, looking up at Avery with bright blue eyes. She was already such a daddy’s girl, Juliette thought. A pang sounded in her heart when she remembered, once again, the time she’d missed. She lowered her eyes to her plate so Avery wouldn’t see the tears forming in her eyes. She had accepted that the PPD hadn’t been her fault, but she was still trying to make peace with everything she had lost. That time, the first months of her daughter’s life, was gone, and she hadn’t been there.

Juliette squeezed her eyes shut, willing her tears away. She took a deep breath before raising her head. He looked at her with none of the usual guardedness she’d seen reflected in his eyes every time he’d interacted with her after she had returned to Nashville. What she saw was a little softer and a lot more unsure.

“You okay?” he asked. The hand that held Cadence’s spoon was suspended in the air and their daughter banged on the tray of the high chair as if she were tired of waiting for her food.

Juliette glanced at the baby. “I’m fine,” she said. She continued eating and watched as he fed their daughter until finally reaching for the jar of baby food. “Here, let me. Your breakfast is gonna get cold.”

He passed her the jar and the spoon and tucked into his food. She alternated between feeding the baby and finishing her eggs.

She hated the awkward silence that stretched between them. It was unwelcome but familiar; the way they’d been when he was still holding her at arm’s length before he caught her completely off guard and proposed. At that time, she’d forced herself to accept his decision to be friends and co-parents. Even though it broke her heart that he no longer wanted to be with her, she’d tried to keep things light between them so that they could focus on the child that tied them together. That tactic had worked then to get him to loosen up around her and Juliette thought maybe it would work again. She still didn’t understand why he was there, but he was and she didn’t want them to be uneasy with each other while they ate the breakfast he’d prepared.

“So,” she said. “I’m guessing that the Snuggie was the gift you bought?” He didn’t answer but she could see the smile playing at his lips. “How’d you know I’d end up with it?”

“I didn’t,” he admitted. “But I figured you’d get the joke. You talked about wanting one for days.”

She took a sip of coffee and looked at him over the rim of the mug. “You do know that thing is just as ugly as that horrible denim blanket your grandmother made for you, right?”

He laughed. “Leave Gram’s blanket alone. I didn’t notice you complaining about it when you were lying under it.”

“I said it was ugly. I never said it wasn’t comfortable.” She picked up the jar of baby food and scooped up more applesauce with the spoon. It felt good to share a joke with him. She’d almost thought they’d never be at a place where they could laugh together again.

Cadence banged her tray again and squealed.

“My goodness,” Juliette said. “Someone is talkative today. What are you saying, baby girl?” Her daughter looked at her as if she truly had something to say and squealed again, lifting her arms in the air. “Is that right?” she said, and touched the tip of the baby’s nose. “Tell us all about it.” She glanced at him and was a little taken back by how intensely he was watching her. “What?” she asked, feeding the baby another spoonful of applesauce.

He didn’t answer for a long moment. “Nothing.”

She offered their daughter more food, but Cadence turned her head. “That’s it, Cady Jo? Are you done?” She put the jar of baby food down on the counter, picked up her last piece of bacon and crunched into it. “Thank you for breakfast,” she said. “It was delicious.”

“You’re welcome.”

She lifted Cadence from the high chair and took her to the couch to change her diaper while he dealt with the dishes. She didn’t know what his plans were, but she assumed that he’d be leaving soon and would probably take Cadence with him. She held her daughter still so she could fasten the new diaper. “Are you heading out now?” she asked.

“I wasn’t planning on it,” he said from the kitchen. “Do you want me to?”

“No,” she answered immediately. “I don’t.” She’d never wanted him to leave, even when their relationship had been just starting out. She always wanted him to stay with her. That hadn’t changed.

He came in from the kitchen and handed her a bottle before sitting on the other side of the couch. She cradled Cadence in the crook of her arm so she could eat. The baby had refused the last of the applesauce, but drank the milk greedily.

Her eyes fluttered closed and Juliette admired her daughter’s lashes. Cadence had the most beautiful eyelashes she’d ever seen, teeny dark hairs that were perfectly curved, like gossamer butterfly wings. She wondered if it was strange that she would notice something like that. Surely other mothers stared at their babies and observed the same kinds of things she had, that Cadence had slender, elegant fingers and perfectly shaped toes. She had her father’s ears and a birthmark near her shoulder similar to one that Juliette had herself. Her baby smell was sweet and intoxicating and Juliette could hold her for hours and just breathe her in, over and over, in and out.

“Are you working on something?”

Avery’s question broke her out of her thoughts and she looked up at him, totally confused. “What?”

“I asked if you were working on something. You were humming that same tune yesterday.”

“I didn’t even realize I was humming,” she said.

“Sounds like it could be a beautiful lullaby.”

Cadence had fallen asleep and Juliette took the bottle out of her mouth, watching as her lips pursed and continued sucking for a few seconds. “That’s just for her.”

“Did she fall asleep?” He asked. He stood, holding his hands out for the baby. “I can lay her down in her crib.”

He leaned in close, lifting the baby from her arms and she held her breath and closed her eyes, not wanting to smell him or see him. Her heart yearned for him, but it was torture to be so physically close and yet so emotionally distanced. She heard him move away and opened her eyes to watch as he disappeared around the corner into the hallway. She grabbed one of the throw pillows from the couch and held it, already missing Cadence’s warmth and weight in her lap.

He came back a few minutes later and returned to his side of the couch. She looked at him expectantly, wondering what in the world they were going to talk about. They hadn’t really discussed anything that wasn’t related to their baby since she’d gotten home from the treatment center.

“Tell me something,” he said. “How do you know the song we were singing last night? I thought you didn’t know any Christmas songs.”

“I know them,” she said. “I just don’t like singing them.” She pulled her legs up on the couch, tucking them beneath her. “But to answer your question, a Rayna Jaymes Christmas album.” She shook her head, constantly amazed at the ways that woman had impacted her life. “I already told you some of this, but when I was 8, Christmas that year was…it was the worst one of them all. We didn’t have anything. I woke up to nothing - no tree, no presents, no food. As a kid…it hurts. Especially knowing I’d have to go back to school and hear everybody bragging about what they did and what they got. The thing that hurt the most was hearing them talk about going to their Mamaw’s houses or wherever they went to spend time with their families. I just didn’t have that.” She squeezed the pillow in her lap, running her hands over the fabric. “I can’t even remember if Mama was around or gone off somewhere. The neighbor lady, Miss Carrie, she took me over to her house and fed me dinner. I think it was meatloaf, which you know I despise, but that day it was like cake and ice cream. She didn’t have any gifts for me but she gave me Rayna’s tape and let me borrow her tape player. I went home and laid on the floor and listened to the whole album. I think she and Deacon had a duet on there. But that song - I just kept listening to it over and over again, thinking about how when I grew up, I’d have a real Christmas with my family.” She rolled her eyes. “I couldn’t forget the lyrics to that one if I tried. I couldn’t believe it when Gunnar suggested that song. But of course…” she let the words trail off but then looked up at him as a thought struck her. “Gunnar’s not alone today, is he?”

“No,” Avery said. “He texted me a while ago and said something about Scarlett coming over to write with him.”

“Really?” Juliette said.

“Yeah, I know.” Avery shrugged. “They’ll figure it out.”

“Hmm.”

He cleared his throat. “You know, last night made me think about how lucky I am to have grown up with the family that I have. Gunnar didn’t really have much of one, you grew up in a tough situation, Will’s dad kicked him out and you met Scarlett’s mother. My childhood was probably a lot like those kids you went to school with. We usually went over to Gram’s and ate with the family. And it’d be us and all the cousins running around. And when we got back home, mom would make hot chocolate and my dad would help us build a snowman or a fort if there was snow, which was almost always a sure thing in Akron.”

She nodded at him, wondering where he was going with his jaunt down memory lane.

“When I was a teenager, they built an ice skating rink downtown and JT and I used to go down there and try to pick up girls.” He rolled his eyes.

“That would have been something to see. Teenage you flirting.”

“I didn’t say we were successful. I just said that’s what we used to do.”

“Oh, I bet you were plenty successful with those pretty blue eyes.” She’d no sooner said the words then she felt her cheeks grow warm. “I’ve never been ice skating.” she said, trying to cover her embarrassment.

“No?” he raised an eyebrow. His eyes were practically twinkling and she knew he was going to give her a pass on what she’d said.

“Nope. Never built a snowman or did a snow angel or anything. Snow is in short supply in southern Alabama, if you can believe that.”

“It’s highly overrated,” he said.

“You seem to miss it.”

“Not really,” he said. “Not those heavy snows like that. It gets cold enough for me here. But I do miss those Christmases. Being with family.” He glanced up at her. “I was really worried about how Cadence’s first Christmas was going to go. I wanted it to be special.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s - I wanted her to spend it with her parents in her house and she is. She’s just sleeping through most of it.” He looked at her for a long while, long enough for her to grow a little uncomfortable. “Listen,” Avery sat forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “I realize that I’ve left you in a limbo about us for a while now. It wasn’t my intention to do that, but I really needed some time to figure out how I felt.” He paused, fiddling with the ring on his finger. “Anyway, it wasn’t fair of me to leave it open ended. We should have talked about this before now.”

Juliette nodded slowly, holding her breath as she waited for his next words, knowing it would break her heart into innumerable pieces if he still wanted to pursue the divorce. After telling him that she would agree to do whatever he wanted, she had tried to put it out of her mind.

“Since we met, I wanted to be that handsome prince you were looking for. Every time you came to me with a problem, I wanted to fix it for you. And I couldn’t do that this time.”

She watched him warily as he looked around the room as if searching for the words. He looked almost as if he were in pain and she was incredibly sorry for that, knowing how much of it she’d caused him, even if it was unintentional.

“For a long time I thought that I would never be able to get over everything that happened. I was so blinded by my hurt that I couldn’t see beyond my anger. I hardly slept last night, thinking about how you said you wanted to get better so you could be a better mother and a better person and that is what I want. For you and for Cadence. I’m proud of you for getting the help you needed, Juliette.” He paused, rubbing his palms against his jeans. “A few weeks ago you said you’d agree to do whatever I wanted to do. I want to support you in this. You said your recovery is a journey and I want to travel that with you.” He clasped his hands together in front of him and looked at her; she could see that his eyes were wet with tears. “I don’t want this to destroy our marriage,” he said. “I love you, Juliette. You have to know that.”

“I do.” She nodded and inhaled a ragged breath. “I do know that. But,” she bit her lip and shook her head, not even trying to hide her own tears. “I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“Why would that happen?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I feel good today - most days, but what if I relapse or--”

“Then I’ll be here.” He interrupted, and moved to sit next to her. He covered her hands with one of his and touched her cheek so that she met his eyes. “Then I’ll be here,” he repeated.

“Promise?” she whispered.

“I promise.”

She pulled him in for a hug, inhaling deeply as she buried her face in his neck. “Please don’t let go.”

“Don’t worry, baby.” He said, wrapping his arms around her. “I’ll hold on. Believe me.”


	6. Epilogue

Four Years Later -

The Christmas Eve parties continued. They grew a little over the years as others were invited to the celebration. Emily came, the one year that she spent Christmas in Nashville. Zoey flew in one year with her boyfriend. Deacon, Rayna and Daphne would come if they weren’t having a party of their own. Last year, Maddie had stopped by for a little while and then left to meet with her friends. Gunnar always hosted - well, Gunnar and Scarlett always hosted the party at their house. Will always barbequed, even the year a freakish blizzard hit the city a few days before Christmas Eve. Scarlett always baked an array of cookies and there was always singing, with Gunnar now threatening to record their songs into Christmas album. The gag gift tradition continued as well and that cushioned toilet seat made an appearance at every party. Avery had gotten stuck with it this time and Juliette had already stashed it away in the closet for next year.

Cadence had been so excited for Christmas. She loved being doted on by her all uncles and her Auntie Scar. She had spent two days with Scarlett and Gunnar at the Gaylord Opryland and didn’t stop talking about it for days afterwards. Will and Kevin took her to an outdoor lights festival and Papa Glenn had taken her to see _The Nutcracker_. She’d even gotten to help Scarlett bake cookies for the party and loved it when her Uncle Gunnar made a huge deal out of how good they were.

Juliette thought her daughter would sleep late since they’d gotten home after midnight, but Christmas morning Cadence was up early and ran circles around the living room, begging her mother to let her open her presents.

“Not yet. You know we have to eat breakfast first.” Juliette glanced up from the mixing bowl and saw her daughter’s blonde hair streaking past the couch again. She put the egg she was about to crack back in the carton. “Okay, Cady Jo. Come here.” Juliette left the kitchen and went into the living room, picking up the little girl that barreled into her arms. She grabbed the toy microphone that had been one of Will and Kevin’s gifts the night before. “Why don’t you sit right here,” she sat Cadence in one of the chairs surrounding the island, “and sing Mama a song while she finishes breakfast.”

“Okay.” Cadence raised the microphone to her lips and then put it back down in her lap. She cocked her head to the side. “Mama, what should I sing?”

Juliette cracked the egg over the mixing bowl, grimacing when a piece of shell fell in with it. “Shoot.” She glanced up at Cadence. “Um, I don’t know, baby.” She stuck a finger in the bowl and slid the broken shell up the side, feeling triumphant when it didn’t slide back in. “How about Jingle Bells?”

Her daughter started in on her song and Juliette stopped whisking the eggs and watched Cadence until she finished. “That was beautiful, Cady Jo. You sounded real good.”

“You want to hear it again, Mama?”

“Of course I do,” Juliette said. She poured a little milk in the bowl of eggs and continued whisking. “You keep singing while I finish this and then we’ll wake Daddy and--”

“And then presents?”

“And then presents.” Juliette poured the eggs into the skillet and broke off a piece of bacon to pop in her mouth.

“Daddy!” Cadence squealed.

“Morning, sweetheart.”

Juliette turned around as Avery walked through the living room. He stopped by the chair Juliette had pulled out and kissed the top of Cadence’s head. “You and Mama are up early.”

“Hey, baby. I figured I’d let you sleep in this year,” Juliette said, stepping over to get her own kiss. She pressed her lips to his, enjoying the rush of warmth of flooded her body whenever she was near her husband. “I’m almost finished,” she said turning back to the stove. She opened the oven door, pulling on an oven mitt to lift the French toast casserole out and set it on a trivet.

“Looks good.”

“Yes, I did a very good job taking it from the refrigerator and sliding it in the oven.”

“Regular Betty Crocker,” he said, snagging a piece of bacon for himself.

She made a face at him, but raised herself up on her toes to kiss him again. “Could you set the table please? As soon as these eggs are done, we’ll be good to go.” She’d just picked up a spatula when they heard the cries coming through the monitor on the counter.

“You go,” Avery said, taking the spatula out of her hand. “I’ve got this.”

“All right.” She took the dishtowel from her shoulder and put it on his, then left the kitchen. “Sing for Daddy, Cady Jo. Mama will be back in a minute.” She patted Cadence on the head as she walked by, quickening her steps as the cries got louder. She jogged through her bedroom and down the hallway to the nursery. “Hey, hey,” she said, approaching the crib. The baby girl’s cries slowed to a whimper and she pulled up on the crib railing, reaching her hands out towards her mother. “Look who’s awake.” She picked her daughter up, kissing the dark curls that clung to her forehead. “Good morning. Let’s get you a fresh diaper and some breakfast. How does that sound?” She laid the baby on the changing table and tickled her belly, finally getting a smile from the 10-month old. “There’s my sunny girl.” Juliette changed her diaper and refastened her clothes, smoothing her hand over the words, “First Christmas” on the pajamas that were, of course, a gift from Gunnar and Scarlett. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I know you’d probably rather eat in here, but your big sister is so excited about her gifts. It’s gonna be breakfast on the go.” She adjusted her top so the baby could nurse and started down the hallway holding her daughter in her arms.

The baby reached up, putting her hands on her mother’s mouth. She’d done that since she was tiny. If Juliette didn’t look at her while she nursed, the baby would pat her face as if she were calling her mother’s attention back down to her. Juliette stopped in the master bedroom, pausing in front of the bed and hummed the same tune that she had when Cadence took her bottles, rocking a little as she stared down at her daughter. Avery said he couldn’t tell, but Juliette swore her eyes were slowly changing from the bright blue she’d had as a newborn, growing more and more green with every day that passed.

Saying their second daughter had not been planned was an understatement. Juliette cried for hours after the first pregnancy test came out positive. She sent Emily to the store for more and took them in succession, breaking down a little more each time she saw the results in the display window. Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant. Emily took Cadence home with her so Juliette could tell Avery, but when he got home from the studio, she burst into fresh tears and could only point at the test sticks still on the counter in their bathroom. He sat her on the edge of the bathtub and crouched beside her, assuring her that everything would be okay. He spoke her fears aloud, saying that if she got PPD a second time, they would recognize it and get help. He promised her they wouldn’t lose each other again. Despite his words, she could see the anxiousness in his eyes and she slid off the lip of the tub and pulled him close. They sat on the bathroom floor, holding each other and she prayed that he was right.

And then the pregnancy was a difficult one, more so than Cadence’s had been. She knew she wouldn’t be able to perform or travel, but the factor V Leiden was more of an issue the second time around and after a scare at the end of her first trimester, she had to take daily shots of an anticoagulant to prevent developing another blood clot. Avery would give them to her, twice a day, pinching the skin of her belly and injecting the medicine slowly. He apologized after each one, no matter how many times she told him he didn’t have to.

“It’s not your fault. It’s my gene mutation,” she’d said.

By her seventh month, her stomach was already stretched tight and it was difficult to find a place where she had enough loose skin to pinch. One night he’d stared at the dark bruises lining her abdomen and touched his fingers to her skin. She noticed the tears in his eyes and struggled to sit up on their bed. “What’s wrong?”

“We can’t do this again, Juliette. It tears me up inside to do this to you every day.”

“Oh, babe.” She reached over and wiped his tears and they agreed that two daughters would be enough and there would be no more pregnancies, unplanned or otherwise.

At first, the threat of post-partum depression loomed overhead like a dark shadow and she was terrified about the possibility of getting it again, but Avery kept reminding her that it wasn’t a guarantee and there wasn’t much sense in driving herself crazy about something that might not happen. She started going to therapy again, proactively, and Dr. Kitley agreed that maintaining a high-risk pregnancy was enough to worry about.

Once they explained it to Cadence, she was as happy about it as any toddler could be. She constantly asked when she would get to meet her new sister and Juliette would never forget the smile on her face the first time she felt the baby kick.

Avery was just as attentive as he had been in her final months when they were expecting Cadence, which was a good thing because her second pregnancy lasted a full month longer than her first. The baby was a week overdue and when she finally went into labor, Juliette was so relived she could have laughed through the first couple contractions.

Later, Avery held their new daughter, adjusting the hospital-issued beanie over the baby’s curls that were as dark as his own. “Now that we’ve met her, are we still set on Melody for the name?”

She’d thought about how they’d struggled to find a name for Cadence. The middle name had come easier. Juliette had known that she wanted their daughter’s middle name to be Jolene weeks before she was born. Avery said he didn’t mind, but he had asked her why, considering everything that had happened.

“I know I spend a lot of time talking about the bad, but there was some good between us too,” She’d told him. “Mama was working so hard on getting better and I can forgive her now. I’d like to think that if she were here, she’d enjoy being a grandma.”

Thinking back to that conversation, Juliette knew that she wanted their second daughter’s name to reflect the forgiveness she’d received from her loved ones when she was struggling to get her life back together.

“I want to name her Melody Grace,” she said. “Because grace is what got me back home.”

They brought Melody Grace Barkley home and Cadence, who was still having trouble pronouncing her l’s, immediately christened her sister Mewodie and then shortened it to Odie when the baby was a few weeks old. She was the best big sister, and Juliette and Avery often told her that. They would let the toddler hold her little sister, supporting the baby’s weight while Cadence wrapped her arms around the receiving blanket. Juliette often got tears in her eyes when she saw them together. She often felt overwhelmed with love for the two of them, and amazed that she had somehow been so blessed to be their mother. Cadence asked her why she was crying one evening when Avery brought her in their bedroom to kiss the baby good night.

“Mama’s crying happy tears,” she’d said.

Avery lifted Cadence onto his hip and looked at her, his eyes more intense than usual. She recognized that look and knew he was just making sure she was okay. She’d caught all of them, Emily, Glenn and even Bo, watching her a little more closely since she’d given birth. And although it sometimes annoyed her for them to regard her as if she were a bomb waiting to go off, their concern endeared them to her. She was incredibly thankful to have them as her family. Now that Melody Grace was nearing her first birthday, everyone was relaxing a bit more as if they were all beginning to believe that the demon of post-partum depression that had nearly destroyed her life wasn’t going to plague them again.

She’d been able to enjoy her second child’s first months in a way that she hadn’t with Cadence. The guilt from that would sneak up unexpectedly, tugging at her happiness. The first time Melody Grace rolled over in her crib, the baby had looked up, her mouth and eyes opened wide as if she couldn’t understand how the world had gone topsy turvy. Juliette laughed at her expression and then felt an unwelcome wave of sadness when she thought about not being there to witness that moment with Cadence.

Juliette had learned to talk to her husband when she had those feelings instead of bottling it up and dwelling on it for days. Avery was her safe haven and she knew with complete certainty that she could trust him with all of her brokenness and he would be her strength when she was weak. He held her and listened and then told her not to focus so much on what she had missed and that she had many, many more first moments to look forward to with both of their daughters.

She chose to enjoy the milestones - she had absolutely relished the first time their infant daughter slept through the night - but also the humdrum of their everyday routine. So when Melody Grace patted her face with her tiny hand, Juliette stopped and gazed into her gorgeous eyes, giving the baby her complete attention. She kissed her daughter’s hand and then held it in her own.

“I see you, baby girl. Mama sees you.” She stood in front of the bed for a few more moments, nursing her daughter in the quiet room until she heard Avery calling her from the kitchen. “All right,” Juliette said to the child in her arms. “Let’s go say good morning to Daddy and Cady Jo and see what else this big girl wants for breakfast. ‘Cause it’s not just milk, huh?” She left their bedroom, slowly heading towards the kitchen. “Not just mama’s milk anymore.”

The baby released her mother’s nipple and reached her hand up again. “Mama,” she said, touching Juliette’s mouth.

It was the first time her daughter had directed the word to her and it hadn’t been random babbling. Tears sprang to Juliette’s eyes. “Yes. I’m Mama,” she said, kissing her baby’s chubby fingers. “I’m Mama and you’re my grace. My sweet, perfect Melody Grace.”

* * *

Every year, Juliette marveled at how different the holiday was for her daughters than it had been for her when she was a child. Cadence and Melody Grace would never know hunger pains or the disappointment of waking up to nothing on Christmas, no tree and no presents. They always had a tree set up in the living room and her mother-in-law sent personalized ornaments; this year a first Christmas globe for Melody Grace and a silver C for Cadence. Juliette found that she enjoyed decorating for the holidays, hanging stockings for each of them from the fireplace and choosing a wreath for the front door. Even more than that, she loved the look on her daughter’s face when she opened her presents. She and Avery never bought a lot, preferring to give a few very special and very wanted gifts rather than spoiling the girls with a lot of toys.

Cadence’s got her favorite gift from Santa, a little doll that had been at the top of her Christmas list. “Mama,” she squealed, running to show Juliette the toy. “Look! Now I have a baby too.”

“Oh, she’s cute! Let me see your baby,” Juliette said as if she hadn’t wrapped the toy just hours before. “What’s her name?”

Cadence thought about it. “Can I name her Avery?”

“You want to name her after your daddy?” Juliette asked.

Cadence’s chin bobbed up and down as she nodded enthusiastically.

“Well, look at that.” Juliette leaned back against her husband’s chest as they sat on the couch watching the girls play. “She named our grandbaby after you.”

She felt his laughter rumbling through him and he wrapped one arm around her. “Look,” he said, pointing at Melody Grace as she used the ottoman to pull herself into a standing position. “She’s going to be walking soon.”

“I know,” Juliette said, pouting a little. She twisted around so she could see his face. “Are you happy with what you got?”

“Absolutely,” he said. “Especially with my favorite gift sitting in my lap.” He pulled her in for a kiss and she melted against him, smoothing her hands across his chest.

“I love you, baby,” she said, looking into his eyes. “Merry Christmas.”

“I love you,” he said. “Merry Christmas, Mrs. Barkley.”

After presents, they went out for a walk. It was a sunny winter day with no hint of snow, but the air was crisp and they bundled their daughters up. Cadence tucked her baby doll in the toy stroller she’d also unwrapped from under the Christmas tree and set off down the sidewalk in front of her parents. Juliette pushed the stroller while Avery walked beside her, holding a travel mug of coffee.

One of their neighbors, Mrs. Thompson happened to be outside and she stopped them at the end of her driveway to wish them a merry Christmas.

She leaned over to peek at the baby in the stroller. “She’s a sweetheart. Spitting image of her father,” she said, smiling at Avery. She turned to Juliette and teased, “Did you have anything to do with her at all?”

“I’ve got the stretchmarks to prove it,” Juliette said, her voice sweet.

She continued to gush over the baby until Cadence tugged on Avery’s hand, ready to continue on their way.

“You know she was teasing,” he said as they walked away, watching as Cadence ran a few steps in front of them.

“I know she was,” Juliette said. “And she does favor you.” They took a few more steps in silence. “I was pregnant for 10 months, labored for 9 and a half hours and gained 54 pounds just to pop out a female version of you, but--”

“Forty-one weeks and it was just a little over 8 hours,” he corrected, taking a sip of his coffee. “And you were beautiful the entire time.”

“But I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she said, finishing the sentence with a smile.

He leaned over and kissed her temple. They walked further down the street until they neared a corner. Avery called out to Cadence to come back and take his hand so they could cross and Juliette looked in on the baby.

“Odie’s asleep already,” she said once they got to the other side of the street.

“Are we really going to call her Odie?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing as he frowned. “I heard Will and Gunnar calling her that yesterday.”

“Babe, I think that ship has sailed.”

“Odie Barkely,” he said with a shake of his head. “Not exactly the name I envisioned for my daughter.”

“Come on. Odie Barkely doesn’t sound like the name of a hit country artist to you?”

He chuckled. “That’s not the first thing that comes to mind. More like wrestler or professional hockey player.”

“Maybe she’ll be a wrestler or a professional hockey player,” Juliette said, shrugging her shoulders. “I want our girls to know they can do anything.”

“I agree. And if they’re anything like their mama they’ll succeed at whatever they chose to do.”

She glanced at him, loving the way his mouth curved into a smile when he looked at her. “I love you,” she said. The words were completely inadequate for how she felt about her husband, but she said them. She said them often, hoping they conveyed a spark of how grateful she was to be his wife, friend and the mother of his children. Her family was a precious thing and she did not take a single second of her life for granted, knowing too well how fragile it could be.

“Babe,” Avery said, interrupting her thoughts. “Have you thought out about what you want to do about nursing when the tour starts?”

The _Truth Is_ tour had been in the works since they’d finally finished the album she had partially completed when she found out she was pregnant. She had fulfilled her contract with Luke and the new tour would be the first since her return to Highway 65. Juliette would be forever thankful to Rayna for even considering welcoming her back into the fold. Co-headlining was Rayna’s idea and as much as she had hated it before, Juliette knew it meant a slightly shorter set, which she and Avery were hoping would be a little easier to manage with two little ones along for the ride. The first leg was already sold out and Avery was wrapping up the projects he was working on so he could go with her, at least at first.

Everything was different now that they had two daughters to think of and she was mentally preparing herself for months of being on the road and also thinking that it would probably be her last big tour for a while. Cadence was due to start kindergarten in the fall and Juliette had already decided that no matter how successful the tour was, she wouldn’t agree to extending it because she didn’t want to miss her daughter’s first year of school. Time was already passing too fast. She had a hard time believing that Melody Grace would be having her first birthday right after Valentine’s Day.

“I’m gonna wean her. I don’t necessarily want to, but I don’t want to deal with pumping and all that while we’re on the road. I wanted to make it a year and we’ll be close to that by the time the tour launches.”

“How do you think that’s going to go?”

“I think she’s gonna fight it with every ounce of her little body, but we’ll get through it.”

Cold air whirled around them as a breeze blew through, rattling the naked trees on the street. Juliette looked ahead to where Cadence had stopped walking and was picking something up off the ground.

“Ready to head back?” Avery asked.

“Yes,” she said. “It’s getting chilly.”

He called for Cadence to come back so they could turn around. “Look!” she ran back to them, her cheeks bright and flush with cold. She held up a rock she’d found, thrusting it in Avery’s direction. “It’s a heart.”

He took it from her and held it up to inspect it; the white rock was indeed heart-shaped.

“That’s for you, Daddy.”

“Is it for me?” His voice was full of love as if she’d presented him with a diamond instead of a bit of gravel.

“Yep.” She ran back to get her toy stroller, blonde pigtails bouncing behind her.

“That little girl has got you wrapped around her finger,” Juliette said. “Completely.”

Avery smiled at her and slid his arm around her waist, pulling her into a hug. “All my girls do,” he said. He leaned over to check on the sleeping baby. “Even…Odie.”  
She laughed at his expression, as if he’d tasted something he didn’t like. They walked another block back towards their house, calling out to Cadence every now and then to slow down and wait for them.

“I can’t believe Scarlett and Gunnar are going to have a baby,” he said, taking another sip of coffee.

Juliette giggled, remembering how excited Gunnar had been before they’d made their announcement. He’d almost blurted it out before Scarlett had a chance to get up from her seat. “I think he’ll be a great daddy,” she said. “And they’ve been trying for a while.”

“I know. I’m happy that it worked out for them.”

She didn’t say anything for the next few steps, but then finally admitted, “It does make me sad to think that this is our last baby.” She glanced at him. “Soon she’s gonna be running up there with Cadence and then they’re gonna go to kindergarten and then to college.”

“That’s a bit of a leap, Juliette.”

“You know what I mean. I just want to enjoy every single moment before they grow up into teenagers and tell us we’ve ruined their lives.”

He chuckled. “Well, today we have a preschooler and a 10-month old who are both very happy with their parents, Cadence especially since she got almost everything she wanted for Christmas. As for the rest of our lives, we’ll just keep doing what we’ve been doing. Taking each day one by one.”

“One by one.” she repeated. That was how they had finally come back together years ago, taking each day as it came. He rescinded the order to terminate her parental rights and they went to therapy for a while. They moved slowly, but both of them were committed to working on their marriage and ultimately he would tell her that he thought it had strengthened their relationship.

They walked back to their house and Facetimed the grandparents, including Papa Glenn. After dinner, they put both their girls to bed (it took Avery some time to convince Cadence not to pile her new toys in the bed with her) and settled in the living room.

Avery dimmed the lights and plugged in the tree and they faced each other on the couch, sipping mugs of hot chocolate. As they had done the past few years, they reflected on the day. How successful they’d been at playing Santa, sneaking the gifts from their closet to the tree after they got home from the Christmas Eve party. How happy Cadence was with her presents and how quickly Melody Grace had taken to ripping wrapping paper off boxes. They strategized over how they were going to get rid of the toilet seat at next year’s Christmas Eve party. They argued, playfully, over the last of the leftover barbeque. They talked about work; Avery’s plans for Deacon’s next album and a new song idea that had been bouncing around in Juliette’s head for days. They sat together in silence and enjoyed each other’s presence.

“Listen,” Avery said, smoothing his hand over her leg. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you. Remember that I promised you that we could go anywhere you wanted for a honeymoon. I was thinking maybe next year around this time we could go somewhere. The tour will be over by then and Cadence will be on her first holiday break from school.”

She cocked her head to the side, unconsciously mimicking her daughter’s gesture from earlier in the day. “Avery, I’m surprised at you. I think Gunnar would hunt us down if we didn’t show up at his house on Christmas Eve next year.”

“Thought you might want to do something different.”

“I don’t,” she said. She laced the fingers of her hand with his. “This is my honeymoon. Every day that I get to spend with you and our girls. And the only thing I want you to promise is that we’ll keep having our Christmases here in Nashville with our family.”

He used his free hand to caress the side of her face, staring at her with that look he had, the one that could start the butterflies fluttering in her stomach from across the room. “Juliette Barnes Barkley,” he said. “I promise you that we’ll keep having our Christmases here in Nashville with our family for the rest of our lives. You’ve got me forever, baby.”

She straddled his lap, smiling wickedly before leaning over to place her lips next to his ear. She twirled her tongue around his earlobe, then whispered, “Are you ready to unwrap your gift?” She sat up, unbuttoning her top to reveal the lacy red bra underneath.

He raised one eyebrow at her, his mouth breaking into a grin. “God, I love you,” he said, lifting her from the couch. She wrapped her arms about his neck and pulled him in for a kiss as he carried her to their bedroom.

* * *

Whew! Finally done. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

 


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